Thinking About The Kids When Your Church Is Struggling

Spoiler alert! There are no perfect churches. So, yes, your church will face problems too if it hasn't already. Some problems are minor, some a very big deal, but few can be kept private or away from young, curious ears and eyes. At some point your kids will probably hear something as well or perhaps should be brought into the loop.

Let me suggest a few principles that you might keep in mind if your fellowship experiences significant challenges. Of course, any actions and responses must be guarded and guided by the age of the children, the nature of the offenses and the people involved.

But in general several reactions are wise:

Clear up as much wrong or misleading information as possible.  Usually rumors and talk are guided by what people think happened rather than what they know for sure. Of course there are many implications and meanings to Jesus' comments in John 8 but his words, The truth will set you free, are certainly applicable here. And if you don't know the truth tell the children that you aren't aware of more but that you're not going to make assumptions.

Remind the kids that it's always important to talk TO the person(s) involved not about them.  Merely talking about them without their knowledge and without a biblical reason is gossip, nothing more, nothing less. People in churches often feel they have the right to go over someone's head before talking to them personally but Jesus again said otherwise in Matthew 18. Christ's church and individuals in it can be deeply wounded by words that are said to others even if there might be a sliver of truth in them.

 Pray together for the people involved, that God would bring healing and that the truth would come to the surface. If there are several opposing parties involved pray for them to find forgiveness, honesty with one another and resolution.

Commit to not talking about the situation with each other or others in the church.  Model for your children giving the authority and responsibility to handle things to the church leadership. They were put in place in part at least for that reason. Give them a chance to do their work.

Finally, talk with your kids about conflict being normal and okay if handled correctly. You might look at the story of Paul and Barnabas after their first missionary journey described in Acts. They disagreed dramatically and yet God blessed them both. Conflict is not a bad thing and can be used to bring healthy change and understanding.

If anything, when conflict bubbles up in your church, become a part of the solution and ask God to use it to grow the church, not tear it down. Jesus again said, By this will all know that you are MY disciples if you love one another.  Let's model that first and foremost and our kids will come through the difficulties just fine.

Why You Don't Want Your Kids To Feel Entitled

My wife and I went to an outdoor concert the other night featuring one of our favorite groups. And the performers did not disappoint. Their harmonies were incredible, the weather was perfect and I even got to slap hands with the lead singer who ran down the aisle next to me during one song.

There was just one problem. We were in about the 20th row from the front and after three or four songs, all the students in front of us (and hundreds of others) pretty much stood for the rest of the show. We ourselves either had to stand in front of hundreds of people behind us or basically not see the stage.

Now before you complain that I'm just this old guy complaining and should understand the common habits and practices at today's concerts, hear me out. First of all, we were in reserved seats, not on the grass or at an Austin, Texas club where there are no chairs. Second, this concert was heavily attended by 40 - 60 somethings. None of us had come there to hear Maroon Five or a popular rapper which would attract mostly youth.

And by the way, we attended a similar kind of concert at a different venue about a month ago and saw the same kind of thing. Two women, a mother and daughter this time, stood in front of a group for quite a while. When one of the blocked patrons said something the daughter responded with something like . . . It's not my problem.

First of all, the refusing to ever sit when in front of others seemed rude for starters. But it was also almost as if the students felt entitled to do what they wanted to do, to see what they wanted to see and not care about anyone else.

You see, that's what entitlement leads to and why we need to teach our kids that life and the universe aren't only about them. A sense of always deserving certain things breeds selfishness. It's going to be hard to teach children about giving up something for someone else if they believe that they have somehow earned or inherited the right to be first and most important.

Entitlement can also lead to laziness. "I'm entitled to this money, this education, this seat at a concert,"  or whatever so why should they expend any effort to sacrifice for themselves or others.

Entitlement also leads to an errant worldview. Our kids can begin to think that life must be easy, that others don't really matter the way they do and that relationships of all kinds must have them at the center. And sadly, many who think that way have entered or will embark on marriages or parenting still believing that life all revolves around them.

So mom, dad, take a look at how your home works. Do you directly or indirectly foster entitlement? If so, what could you do differently. Don't lecture them, just start acting differently, expecting them to contribute and/or sacrifice more. Give them less stuff and more of yourself. They are entitled to that!