Gary's blog for couples and parents plus resources for individuals, leaders and churches.

Thursday, December 29, 2016

Why Many Kids Today Are Killing Their Parents . . . Well, sort of.

Sadly, we read almost every week that some family dispute has again occurred and one of the members of what was a generally loving family, mom, dad or a child was killed by one of them. These scenarios are always tragic and horribly sad, but seem to be increasing in many part of the country, most notably larger cities.

However, there is also slow death and dying going on in many more families though thankfully, no one is losing their life per se. If not who, what's dying?

It's meaningful relationship.  It's family time, sometimes church attendance and involvement and memory making together. But perhaps worst of all, many husbands and wives are basically ending their marriage relationship the day their first child comes into the world. While the dwindling of togetherness may move slowly for a while, their relationship can almost disappear once their first child becomes involved in any activities and/or another child comes along.

And obviously more children (and of course more activities) simply add to the messy matrix that absorbs everyone's focus, time, attention and any hope for much in th eway of family interactions.

Sure we cover the problem by attending all their games and activities but most of our interactions are comments like, Call me when you need a ride or Good game! or Be sure you have your homework done.

We call it relationship when we're in their presence, say sitting in the auditorium or the stands watching them participate or driving them to a practice, but it's faux relationship.

And at some point wise parents make some key decisions, not ones that are always popular with family, school parents and the kids. Let me suggest a few of those important choices:

Limit the number of sports, activities, rehearsals and practices you children are involved in. Kids don't have to be in every sport, music group or advance class of something.

Make a family time vacation at least a once or twice event each year.  Plan it together, anticipate the possibilities and be sure there are group activities that are fun for everyone and don't require technology.

Be a mean parent and limit the amount of screen time your kids have on their pads, computers and other technological devices.

Parents need to plan regular husband and wife getaways that the kids actually observe them taking. This is modeling, folks, and your kids may not learn the importance of time together as spouses from anyone else. And single parents can work at saving up for their own getaways as well. That's what grandparents are for.

You can choose your own other ideas to give your family margin and more time for each other. In fact when all is said and done and the question needs to be answered, "What's BEST for our children and what's just GOOD or BETTER?

So often we focus on what looks best competitively for our family when we need to think about what would best help each child grow as a person, future leader, spouse and Christ follower while helping the parents to grow in their love and commitment to each other. And instead of killing their relationship a family like yours could actually be bringing life into your home. What could be better than that?

Gary Sinclair Writer | Speaker | Leader

Gary is currently a consultant, teacher, speaker and chaplain providing resources for families, leaders and churches.