Gary's blog for couples and parents plus resources for individuals, leaders and churches.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Ten Mistakes To Avoid on Your Next Marriage "Date"

In a recent post I talked about the importance of married couples continuing to date and spend focused time together even if they've been married a long time.

However, there are some pitfalls that would be wise to avoid if you're going to truly have a meaningful and special time. So here are my top ten things to avoid when on a date with your spouse:

10. Texting the entire time with your children, coworkers or best friend.
9.   Bringing the paper along to read during dinner and doing the crossword during dessert.
8.   Going to a sports bar - period. Just don't.
7.   Leaving the radio or stereo going whenever you're in the car. Just talk.
6.   Taking in a hockey game. There are too many fights that might bring up bad memories.
5.   Attending an activity that one of you clearly hates.
4.   Talking the whole night about your kids.
3.   Referring to several of your spouse's greatest weaknesses.
2.   Having a debate about politics, the war in Iraq or TV evangelists.
1.   Not making plans for the next date.

So, are there some things we can do to make our dates more interesting and desirable? I think there are although every couple will need to determine what unique activities fit them best. Here are at least a few things you might try:

A. Play the favorites game. Each person gets to bring up a topic and then you try to guess the other's favorite in that category - i.e. ice cream, movie, song from the 80s, actor, book, etc.

B. Ask the other person what they've always wanted to do but never could and why?

C. Talk about what your dream vacation would look like.

D. Discuss the favorite place you've ever lived along with the place you'd most like to live someday if money were no object.

E. Share one of the times in the last year when you really saw God at work.

F. Exchange things you want the other person to be praying for you the next week.

G. Go somewhere you've never been, even if it's just local. Research it ahead of time and then make plans to get there.

Hopefully you get the idea! Dating is part of the glue that can help marriages stay together, fresh, alive and exciting. You can take turns planning them or just work them out together. They don't always have to lavish (ours rarely are) but they can always be fun and you can learn more about each other if you work at it. Sometimes you also just need a no-brainer date where you dont' talk about anything of significance.

Whatever the case, keep dating alive in your marriage. Just make sure it's only with your spouse!
Gary Sinclair Writer | Speaker | Leader

Gary is currently a consultant, teacher, speaker and chaplain providing resources for families, leaders and churches.

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