Thinking About The Kids When Your Church Is Struggling

Spoiler alert! There are no perfect churches. So, yes, your church will face problems too if it hasn't already. Some problems are minor, some a very big deal, but few can be kept private or away from young, curious ears and eyes. At some point your kids will probably hear something as well or perhaps should be brought into the loop.

Let me suggest a few principles that you might keep in mind if your fellowship experiences significant challenges. Of course, any actions and responses must be guarded and guided by the age of the children, the nature of the offenses and the people involved.

But in general several reactions are wise:

Clear up as much wrong or misleading information as possible.  Usually rumors and talk are guided by what people think happened rather than what they know for sure. Of course there are many implications and meanings to Jesus' comments in John 8 but his words, The truth will set you free, are certainly applicable here. And if you don't know the truth tell the children that you aren't aware of more but that you're not going to make assumptions.

Remind the kids that it's always important to talk TO the person(s) involved not about them.  Merely talking about them without their knowledge and without a biblical reason is gossip, nothing more, nothing less. People in churches often feel they have the right to go over someone's head before talking to them personally but Jesus again said otherwise in Matthew 18. Christ's church and individuals in it can be deeply wounded by words that are said to others even if there might be a sliver of truth in them.

 Pray together for the people involved, that God would bring healing and that the truth would come to the surface. If there are several opposing parties involved pray for them to find forgiveness, honesty with one another and resolution.

Commit to not talking about the situation with each other or others in the church.  Model for your children giving the authority and responsibility to handle things to the church leadership. They were put in place in part at least for that reason. Give them a chance to do their work.

Finally, talk with your kids about conflict being normal and okay if handled correctly. You might look at the story of Paul and Barnabas after their first missionary journey described in Acts. They disagreed dramatically and yet God blessed them both. Conflict is not a bad thing and can be used to bring healthy change and understanding.

If anything, when conflict bubbles up in your church, become a part of the solution and ask God to use it to grow the church, not tear it down. Jesus again said, By this will all know that you are MY disciples if you love one another.  Let's model that first and foremost and our kids will come through the difficulties just fine.