Why Your Kids' Teachers Are Heroes . . . At Least Most of Them

Recently we took three of our grandsons to one of their favorite science museums. But as we drove into the parking lot we saw bus after bus parked end to end and knew that meant one thing . . . school field trips and lots of them. Kids would be everywhere.

Sure enough there were lots of elementary and middle school students walking through the exhibits with their teachers herding, guiding and cajoling as kids that age do what they do. And I was reminded that these teachers do this every day and it is not easy.

Are there crummy, incompetent teachers out there? Of course. I have had some here and there from elementary to graduate school. But there are way more who in their own way are stellar making a difference in our lives and the lives of our children.

Sure there are lousy teachers just like there are lousy employees in most professions. No teacher is perfect either. It irritates me, having been a teacher of all kinds much of my life, when parents have to have a certain special teacher and obnoxiously demand their kids have only "the best." The best ones aren't only those who turn our kids into academic superstars, however. In fact if that's all they do they aren't necessarily the best.

Let me suggest what a great teacher is and does:

Great teachers love and respect our kids as individuals. They don't expect everyone in their class to look, perform or respond the same. They get excited when a child has a unique talent and then they get to help them develop it. They care about the brightest and those more average. Each one matters to great teachers.

Great teachers see potential and they don't give up. My tenth and eleventh grade English teacher was the toughest in the school. And during my sophomore year I hoped to God that I would only have her one year. Not to be. She was my guide for half of my high school education. But Mrs. G never quit on me and plowed the foundation for me to learn and love writing like I do today. There must have been days when she thought there was no hope for me but she looked ahead not back.

Great teachers build relationships along with enforcing their rules. Classes need structure and students will require discipline. But every kid needs someone who knows and cares about them. How many young people have no parent that cares and no one to simply listen to them? Teachers can help fill the gap and provide some needed affirmation missing from home. Not every child will let them get close but they try anyway.

So as the school year begins again, how about praying now for your kids' teachers and thanking God together for them. Many families of course will never thank these heroes personally or will wait twenty years to realize how important they were to them. Your words of appreciation during the year will also mean more to them than you can know and you will remind those special leaders that their passion for teaching really has been worth it.

Sometimes The Big Things Are In The Little Ones

Big events and accomplishments always seem to get more attention, don't they?  Eighty-thousand people in a stadium always feels more exciting than eight hundred. An ad campaign that touches millions is usually view as better than one that impacts a few hundred.

Even service projects are deemed more worthwhile when we know that many, many people were helped versus just a few. And there is something to say for using our resources of time, talent and energy so that the greatest results can be achieved.

However, there are times when it seems like we've forgotten the potential impact of the one or two people we or our family might touch. When we help a neighbor or friend, assist one homeless person or volunteer for one morning God can use us to make a huge difference. At the moment, not necessarily. 

But as we do our share along with hundreds or even thousands of others BIG things can happen. Too many churches, non-profits and even individuals seem to think that success is only measured by the ton or at least the giant size version of congregation, money raising or community impact.

You hear it all the time . . . ."Yes, we're believing that ________________ people or churches or groups (or whatever) will be changed or take part or raise so many dollars or grow to a certain size."  And we should be thankful when hard work, prayer and commitment do result in important and significant outcomes.

But let's never miss the power of doing something small now for a greater result later and in tandem with others engaged in the same.

What might that mean in the everyday?  First, we will enjoy the little "wins" and blessings we see in our churches. We'll be thankful for the one or two new people who came, the one marriage that was saved and the few students who joined the youth group this last month.

Second, we'll be even more intentional about helping just one or two people each day. We'll look for those small opportunities to help a neighbor, friend or someone we just meet during the day.  We'll relish that we had that one God-moment to make this small difference in someone's life believing that God can use it for a far greater good.

Third, we'll teach our kids and model for each other an attitude of serving and giving that has no minimum on how much we accomplish. Caring and serving will simply become more of the norm at our house.

You see BIG things don't necessarily happen in big ways. They happen more often because people with just a little resource give it away believing something big will occur anyway.

Really Living? Most of Us Miss It

When is the last time you felt really alive? In fact, when is the last time you noticed something more than the fact that you were just existing? I would suggest that most of us miss the opportunity most of the time.

Why? Well, it's not because we're not breathing or our heart is not beating.

It's just that there's not that much we enjoy that takes our breath away or causes our heart to skip a beat. Of course there are lots of opportunities. We are usually just too busy doing the everyday and the mundane to truly engage with the spark in every one of us known as life.

I know it's not fun to be out of breath or to have a racing heart but we would at least notice our body functioning in some unique way and be reminded that we are not dead. In fact, noticing would be hard to avoid.

You see we need something that jolts us out of our cruise-controlled life and reminds us that the life within us is truly special, unique and ultimately amazing. Pain works. So does shock or tragedy or some other sudden interruption of our normalcy.

But there are other and better ways to be reminded of and enjoy life without the negative prompts. We might also want to engage in them more and even give our family members similar opportunities on a more regular basis.

Slow down. Instead of driving the fast way home, take the long way. Turn the radio off. Walk instead of drive. Skip an evening responsibility and stay home. Simplify your days even a little. I hear of more and more people these days who are downsizing. They have realized they don't need it all. Neither do you.

Do what you were meant to do as much as what you have to do. Some things in life are boring and required. Everything doesn't have to be fun nor can it be. But somewhere in our week, month and year we need to engage in what we naturally do and love. Use those skills to serve others and pay it forward. Find a ministry that gives you the opportunity to do what you can't live without and you'll feel alive most very time.

How do you know what that is?  I don't have an easy answer other than you'll know. You will do it with very little effort, the time will fly and it will probably involve other people.

Spend more time with the people you love and just enjoy watching them live, breathe and move. Become amazed at their talent, artistry, uniqueness and abandon. Sing, dance and enjoy with them if you can. And don't rush whatever you are doing. Let it simmer. Embrace the moments more.

Little children are a great place to start. So are seniors or those with special needs. Just start looking and you'll see what you need to see.

Pray for wisdom to keep learning where life will show up for you. Feeling alive isn't a one-time thing. Once you get a taste you will want more but you will have to fight off the inertia that will try to keep you from more and returning to the sameness of life beforehand. Don't give in.

Everyday those lifegiving opportunities are everywhere. We don't need to hunt for them. They will find us if we let them and we'll never be the same.

A Simple Action Can Soothe The Pain of Conflict

Have you ever felt like you were in a conflict that you couldn't win or resolve?  Perhaps it's with our boss, kids, spouse, friend, neighbor. We can't seem to make them understand or don't see any reason behind why they treated us the way they did.

Or perhaps our conflict was with life. Why couldn't things have worked out for me the way they did for my friend? Why does trouble seem to follow me or our family?

Maybe we've been tugging against God Himself. Good luck with that by the way but I've done it too. We wonder why God seems to have allowed bad things to happen -  we lose our job, struggle financially or can't work things out so we can and be happy and content for a while.

So what do we do?  Often we pull harder so to speak. We get more angry, try more logic or become even more demanding that others change and come through for us. And while things and people don't change we do. We become bitter and hard to live with most of the time. Our health can suffer and life simply isn't fun anymore.

I have a suggestion. If you were in a real tug-of-war that you didn't want to engage in, you could stop it quickly, right?  Just drop your end of the rope. The other person or persons can keep pulling until Jesus comes back but you're not in the contest.

Well, we can do the same when we're in an emotional contest with someone. We can drop the rope there too. How?

Lots of ways. One is to change your responses. That means that you quit arguing, shut down your end of a conversation or agree to disagree. You don't have to keep going in the conflict.

Some will feel like this is giving in but it's not. We can let someone else win. We can let them at least think they've won, believe they are smarter or whatever.  We know better but we also accept that they don't need to understand us or what we're doing. Let them deal with the conflict if they want.

A second option is to not demand anymore. Do not demand that the othe person change or agree with you. Don't demand that you look good. Don't require that they like you. There are times when even those we love might not connect with us for a time. They will likely get over it and so will you. High expectations are often the cause for why we feel like we must prevail in conflict.

Third, use language that frees you.  For example get comfortable with phrases like, "I guess we're going to have to disagree,"  or "Tell me more about that," or "I'm sorry that we can't be on the same page on this but it's OK."

Sometimes we literally have to hear ourselves say that we're not going to engage, try to win or let another person's actions ruin our day, week or month.


Yes, conflict is inevitable in marriages, family and life in general. But it doesn't have to own us or rule the day. Just learn to drop the rope.

Risk and Change: You Can't Grow Without Them

I'm leaving my current job. We'll move eleven hundred miles or so in five or six weeks to another town and new ministry. We'll have to develope new relationships, find different doctors, dentists and hairstylists and make a different house a home.

Sure, we've done this before but not often. It would be so much easier to stay in a place we like with people we know well and where we were pretty comfortable all around. Because you see this step in our life will require more risk and change. And for some people risk and change are typically avoided.

And to be honest we aren't going to like all of it but we've learned it's necessary and actually helpful. You won't grow if you won't risk anything. You won't mature and get stronger if you're unwilling to change. And as a Christ follower you don't get to depend on God as much and see Him at His best and greatest.

Of course, there can be too much risk or too much change.  Too much risk is usually disguised foolishness. Too much change generally leads to unhealthy chaos often hurting relationships in major ways.

But staying put all the time, never risking the new and scary makes for a like with little real excitement and fulfillment.

How to know you might be holding back from change and risk and not growing as a result?

Examine your life. Have you been in the same house, job, hobbies and habits for decades? Have you been confronted with opportunities to do something different or live somewhere else and you've turned each one down without a grain of thought?

Are you feeling rather bored and unfulfilled?  Sameness has a way of producing boredom.  Never trying anything new can lead to wonder about your purposes here.

Let me suggest a place to start.  First, if you're married, get away with your spouse and simply talk about your bucket list, things you've always wanted to do but never have. That will likely lead to some first steps, fun ideas or even radicaly, potential changes that are very doable and exciting.

Second, pray. Ask God to help you consider some new work, ministry, serving opportunity that would stretch you. There might be things right in front of you in your church or community that would light your personal fire and give you an opportunity to trust God through some risk-taking and change. Seek forgiveness, too, for just staying put so long and living for comfort rather than commitment to Him.

Third, do one thing to get out of your comfort zone. Don't rest until you've started that new thing.  Do some research, begin planning and talking to people about your ideas.  And if you're a parent get your kids involved. Let them learn with you about trusting God, trying new things and not living the way everyone else lives.

Think about the many special things we enjoy in our society that we would never have if someone wasn't willing to take a risk and change. Chances are you're missing out on some of your home in your home and life. Get going now.

Happy and Faithful Are Boring, But The Best

I read an article that interviewed an actor whose character was just written out of the show during the season's latest episode. And as part of one of his answers to why they couldn't always make his character happy he responded essentially saying that "happy doesn't make for good drama."

And he's right. Happy is way more boring for television or a good movie than action, struggle, manipulation and revenge. An intruiging story will most often have a protagonist, antagonist, numerous plot high points and low points and a host of surprises. That's why many Christian movies aren't very good - they don't tell interesting stories because they try to make everything always work out fine. But in reality it does not.

Newspapers, sitcoms and the latest films rarely focus on people who stay the course, are naturally happy and stay faithful to their spouse, other family and friends. They're boring. Who wants to hear about that?

Who wants to know more about the person who simply loves God for decade after decade but never makes a headline for some horrible mistake or a huge endeavor? Who wants to hear about the single mom who year after year works hard outside her home, then comes home to work until the kids are in bed only to do it again the next day and the next?

Who wants to read about the dad or mom who worked steady, average jobs all their lives so their son and daughter could both go to the college they never went to?  Not many. But I do because that was my mom and dad.

You see happy and faithful don't necessarily make great drama but they produce rich marriages and family. And when I talk about happy I don't mean some syrupy, never-real, never-honest kind of relating. No, I mean that people have something deep within them that truly satisfies and fulfills, not just getting more, succeeding more or partying more.

And faithfulness to God and to each other doesn't necessarily mean some sort of drab, no fun kind of existence. It's commitment that lasts and love that overcomes even the toughest challenges. There are lots of things that are boring which have to be done over and over for a long time that have worthwhile results. Scales on the piano, thousands of golf swings, a language practiced and math tables memorized.

What are the members of your family learning and committed to do that may be a little boring now but that last for a lifetime?  Make sure your home includes some of those and that you remind each other that being boring isn't always so bad.

Red Flag Tensions in Mate Finding To Share With Your Kids

I've seen a few helpful lists online recently that suggest things to teach our children to look for or avoid in the person they marry. And most of them seem pretty accurate, worth talking to your kids about.

However, let me take a slightly different approach and discuss what I would call the tensions that must be addressed when embracing or rejecting a particular characteristic one sees in a potential mate. What I want to suggest is that even too much of a good thing may be as unhealthy and destructive as an abundance of a negative quality.

For example, let's say that someone is very careful about how they spend money. That sounds like a good quality and probably is. But what if their frugality becomes obsessive to the point where they never spend money for fun, for enjoyment, for special moments or for the spouse to use as they feel led?

It seems to me that we need to also help our children in selecting their future mate to prayerfully and wisely look at the whole spectrum of a person's qualities and be willing to admit that this person may have too much of a seemingly good thing. There may be some underlying need that causes that person to be overly positive which can ultimately become destructive and demoralizing.

Of course in every marriage there will be differences that we must learn to love and appreciate. No two people will ever be a perfect match. But let me suggest several spectra that I often see in marriages where that tension I'm talking about should have been considered and monitored. And let's face it some things can be hidden well but perhaps these suggestions will give you and your kids a place to start looking.

Do they have a sense of humor?  Or can they not stand humor and more specifically yours?

Do they care about the things of God, being like Jesus and their personal faith?  Or can they talk about nothing else so that they are really "of no earthly good?"

Do they talk to you?  Or do they ever stop talking period?

Do they love themself in appropriate ways?  Or are they the only person they care about?

Are they motivated, hard working and industrious?  Or is getting to the top their ultimate goal ahead of you and everything else?

Do they love children?  Or are they basically still a child and likely not going to change?

Do they share their emotions freely?  Or are they a loose cannon who hurts you and others with their feelings and words?

Are they careful and wise?  Or do they actually live in irrational fear most of the time?

Are they nice? Or are they actually just covering up deeper anger, resentment and bitterness?

Are they honest about their mistakes and faults?  Or are only concerned with yours?

There are lots more.  Let me encourage you to think of some that you might add to the list. Remind your kids that this is why they need to take time to get to know someone for a while. The real person doesn't show up on one or two dates or even in a couple of months of knowing someone. Make sure they see this person in a variety of settings.

And no, living together rarely helps this process. Playing house typically covers up or masks any real discernment about the other person under the guise of phony commitment.

When our kids do the hard work of pondering, experiencing and getting to know each other they have far more hope for success and a relationship that is all they hoped it would be from the first time they even considered marriage. Help them mom and dad. Give them some tools they need. I hope this might be one of them.