Teaching Our Kids To Value The Right Things

I remember when a number of years ago now a friend's home went up in flames. One moment he and his family had a beautiful home, minutes later it was ashes. They lost most everything except their lives.  However, I remember his comments when I among others arrived there to see if we could do anything.

He said,  "Well, it's just stuff."  And he was right. Yes, he and his wife went through some emotional challenges losing so much in one night. But I think his faith in God reminded him that the most valuable things he had not lost that night. The rest was just stuff.

It's replaceable and temporary. It's really not what makes us happy.

But I'm pretty sure that most of us, even with the best of intentions, put way too much value and focus on what we have - our home, cars, equipment, special objects and other things of value. We say they don't matter that much but deep down they count for more than most of us would admit. If we're honest we know it would be hard to live as happily without those luxuries, comforts and things we so often take for granted.

How can we learn to live more with a stuff-less mentality and a focus on the eternal while modeling a less is more way of life?

First, I think it helps to cut back drastically.  No, I'm not suggesting go live under a bridge but cutting back could include getting a smaller home, selling a big ticket item, dropping one of our big vacations or just spending less on things we don't need.  How about saying, It still works so why buy another one?

Second, get more intentional about giving resources away.  And not just money though that counts. Give away your time, a car, clothing and whatever else could be used to help someone else.  Think about a Christmas where everyone gets one small gift and the rest of your normal spending goes to help others.

Third, try going and serving somewhere.  This goes along with sharing resources, but you will also have sweat, tears and relationship in the game.  You will actually go and care for someone yourself and not just give them money. You will become friends with someone likely outside of your social strata and become personally involved. And your kids will remember those interactions forever.

There are lots more ideas.  You can come up with your own.  But whatever you do, find ways to involve your family in activities and practices that will take their eyes off of things and give them new eyes for loving people and valuing things . . . the way Jesus did.

 

My Top Ten Great Family Easter Ideas

Easter isn't just an important holiday for Christians . . . it's the ultimate one. If there was no resurrection then every Christian might as well fold up shop and look for another eternal reality.

Therefore, we dare not miss great opportunities for teaching the significance and importance of Easter to our family members. And to help I've offered ten ideas you might consider during this Easter season.

1. Watch The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe.  C.S. Lewis' famous segment of the Chronicles of Narnia has several beautiful pictures of both the death and resurrection of Christ in Aslan the lion.

2. Read the Easter story from the Bible. Luke is probably your best Gospel source.

3. Attend your Easter service but talk about what you heard, saw and experienced when you get home or over dinner at a restaurant.

4. With age-appropriateness in mind, watch The Passion of the Christ.

5. Listen to several great worship songs or hymns and discuss what they remind us of regarding Christ's sacrifice for us.  Chris Tomlin's Amazing Grace and When I Survey come to mind.

6. Go serve somewhere together as a picture of Christ's coming not to get but to serve us.

7. Get up early and go to a park or other scenic area and talk about what the women and other disciples might have experienced that Easter morning.

8. Give an Easter financial or other gift to a local service agency as another example of Christ's gift for us.

9. Take communion at home with bread and your choice of juice or wine.

10.  Have a time of prayer thanking God for sending His Son to die and rise again for you.

You can probably come up with some of your own. But don't settle for mere candy and bunnies at your house. Nothing wrong with those but missing the bigger story?  That is a mistake.

Someday Our Words and Actions Will Be Our Last Ones

Recently we saw some of the worst loss of life by tornadoes in the history of our country. These wild and devastating storms rolled through the Midwest and killed dozens of innocent people and leveled complete towns. One little toddler was found miles from her home but her immediate family had all died.

Not one of those people who lost their lives woke up that morning believing that day was their last. And neither should we. But we can do more of what the country song suggests and "Live like we're dying." I think that means making the most of every day and filling it with words and actions that we would include if it were our last day.

Some suggestions? Say words of life. I've spoken on this in other posts but it's a pretty simple concept. Communicate with words that go deeply into the soul of those you love, that speak to their personhood, who they are. Have you told people that mean the most to you that you love them, you're proud of them and that you are thankful for what they've done for you?

Second, do some of the important things you've always wanted to do. We had a pastor friend who was going to retire soon at age sixty-five and he and his sweet wife had all sorts of travel plans. The only problem was that he got a quick-spreading cancer and died within months. Don't wait if possible to do some of the special things on your bucket list.

Third, slow down and enjoy more daily moments. Stop and look at the stars, talk longer to your spouse or kids, sit and drink your cup of coffee for a few more minutes and be thankful. Play more, do less and spend time with people. Relationships are the most valuable human asset we have.

So I hope today is not your last day and that you and I have thousands more. But if you'll add a little more life to every day you live, you'll likely not get caught having missed opportunities to say and do what you'd always hoped to do with those you love.

Best Parenting Teen Ideas - part 2

I've learned over the years why God made teenagers. To punish us parents for the way we acted as children. OK, maybe that's not his purpose but it sure seems reasonable.

But let's face it one of our big struggles is that we simply don't know what they're going to do much of the time and frankly they don't either. They have these maturing, growing bodies facing all sorts of unknowns, peer pressures and challenges. But they typically don't have the emotional strength to handle all that. That's why they have melt downs or act out doing crazy things or take huge risks in order to be accepted.

So how do we as parents deal with them during these tough years while still enjoying the healthy spreading of their wings that will lead them to true independence?

First, we need to do a lot of talking and listening. Unfortunately if your kids are already teens and you haven't worked at this prior to adolescence the task will be much harder. Nonetheless, make times and relatively easy opportunities to just talk. Eat meals together, do some things alone, make conversations about hard things something normal not weird.

And don't buy into the silent treatment. Do not allow for doors to be slammed and for them to just walk away from any conversation. As I mentioned in my part one blog options are important. So do the same regarding conversation. You can say things like, "Ryan, you may not want to talk right at the moment, but when we get home (or in the morning or whatever) we need to have some time to talk about last night (or about your trip or whatever)."

When it's all said and done they need to learn to talk and really want to be heard and understood.

Second, let them know that you will keep your word. You don't have to be a tyrant but make it clear if you haven't already that if there is a curfew time you will hold them to it, expect them to call or meet whatever other boundaries you set. When you do this on the little things you'll be much more likely to be taken seriously on the bigger ones.

Even teens need to learn to keep rules and meet expectations. Yes, they should be given more freedoms as they get older but only if they're earning that freedom along the way. Our son was told that he had to call if he was going to be late and I told him I would be one of two places if he didn't call - in the car looking for him or on the phone with the police, especially if I thought that was warranted.

Not two weeks later we had an incident and I met him in my car in the middle of the street as he returned significantly late.  I was looking for him. I didn't yell, berate or give greater punishment than he deserved. But he knew I was serious about both discipline and looking out for him.  We didn't have a problem with lateness after that.

Too many parents don't take the time to do the hard work of both communicating effectively or setting reasonable boundaries and keeping them. You can be your kids' friend AND their parent but the parenting part always has to come first. And if you do that the friendship part will be even richer and stronger later when they're an adult.

Learning to Parent in the Still Water

I've never forgotten an illustration that Pastor Gordon McDonald told years ago, one that I've since learned more about firsthand. When you go whitewater rafting they first teach you the proper techniques, commands and responses to trouble when you are on land. Then once you're in the raft they have you practice while you're in the slowly moving water.  The whole idea is to help you get ready for the challenges of the bigger rapids downstream.

It was an important reminder that it's always foolish to wait to learn how to do anything challenging once you're in the middle of the struggle.  The same is true of parenting.  Our kids are going to test us - our patience, our reactions and our perseverance.  So we must do what we can to prepare in the still waters of our homes for what might happen in the class four and five rapids of everyday life.

Of course we can't prepare for every possibility, but we can do our best.  For example, have you decided what you will do when your child misbehaves in a store, restaurant or other public setting?  Do you know what you will do as they push back when you give them a deadline, time or instruction?  If you're married have you and your spouse agreed on common actions and alternatives that you will use together when your children aren't their normal angelic selves?

Now what you do is up to you.  There are a variety of approaches and responses, many of which are best determined by you the parent who know your child best. Discipline ideas and suggestions are for another time.  But I can't say enough about thinking through your options and strategies ahead of time.

First of all, you will be more confident.  Your child will be less likely to try to get you to respond differently if they see that you aren't willing to waver.  Second, you will be more comfortable being out with your kids.  Third, you will have more success in getting them to respond to your guidelines and direction. Finally, you will be less likely to get out of control and to say or do inappropriate things out of mere frustration and anger.

So, get ready for the rough water.  It's up ahead for sure.  But meet it well, knowing that you are as ready as you'll ever be.  It will be worth the time and you just might find those swirling rapids weren't as bad as you thought!