A Different Kind of Christmas For Your Family

I'll bet you're already envisioning what Christmas will be like at your house. Perhaps it will include a  service somewhere, family gatherings, a special breakfast, gifts under the tree, visits to local lighting displays and lots of great food.

You probably have other special traditions that are unique to your family and all those things are good and right to enjoy. Christmas should be a time of celebration, joy and family.

However, what might it be like if we allowed Christmas to take a significant turn in our home and we did something radically different? What if we made it a day more of giving than getting? What if we did one of the simplest, yet most memorable holidays yet?

A few suggestions.  First, think about purchasing a gift that keeps on giving. World Vision and other agencies have catalogues where you can buy an animal, for example, that would help keep on feeding a family in another country. Their brochure or website is usually full of ideas from small to large that are difference makers and would model for your children what it means to really sacrifice for someone else.

You  can invite your children to be a part of the decision making process, too, and have lots of fun picking out just the right gift. You can also get more information about who you will be helping plus follow up later.

Second, think about only giving each other one or two gifts this year. Explain that you're going to use the money you save to help others or you want to just simplify the day and focus on its real meaning. Another option is to just limit the amount you spend on each other but see who can get the most for the money.

Third, read the Christmas story together and/or watch a video that will help you think about Christmas as a family. Even in Christian homes the actually story of Jesus' birth can get lost in all the busyness that we allow to crowd into our homes. You can count on the TV networks to only show holiday movies that get no deeper than dreams, trees, smiles and snowmen. Give your family better.

Fourth, go serve others somewhere on Christmas Day. There are usually nursing homes, shelters and homeless camps who would love to have a family like yours come and spend a part of the day with them volunteering or just talking to people. Or if you're willing to consider bigger ideas use your holiday time off to do a missions trip.

You can no doubt come up with many more ideas but think about making this the most unique kind of Christmas ever. I know your family will never be the same and you'll have memory that you will talk about for a long time.

When Right Loses Out to Reputation

I'm sure thousands of articles and blog posts have been or will be written about the terrible revelations of child abuse at Penn State. And unless we're experts in the law or know facts that the general public doesn't know none of us writers should be making judgments about motives, actions and intentions that we can't possibly know about for sure.

However, there seems to be one thing that is pretty clear in all of this.  And sadly it's probably true in many other offices, homes, and universities. People often don't do the RIGHT thing because they are more worried about their reputation. Or put another way, they don't do the hard thing because they don't want to look bad, it's painful or they might get rejected by someone.

Unfortunately, we all have this tendency. Some of us just take it to greater extremes than others. The sad part in the Penn State case is that the result of not doing the right thing is that a number of young children have been irreparably hurt. Yes, they can heal and hopefully by now have been able to move on as young adults but they lost something that can never be returned. They have memories that will not be erased.

Much of that could have been prevented if a few people would have just done the right thing.

So we'll have to let the authorities and other officials determine how the Penn State situation plays out. However, we can certainly look at ourselves and ask if there are corners we are cutting, things we're avoiding or actions we're taking that we are unwilling to expose because our reputation might be on the line.

Who's going to be hurt if we keep doing what we're doing or are not willing to take the high road?

So let me suggest a couple of ideas for anyone at a crossroads of right versus wrong. First, tell someone you trust. You don't need to tell the whole world, but tell someone. Let them help you take the next steps or keep you accountable. Second, if you know something as serious as the Penn State allegations, talk to the police. Don't wait one more minute.  

Third, if you personally need forgiveness, talk to a counselor who can tell you about God's love for you and walk you through finding His forgiveness. There is nothing He can't or won't forgive. We just have to be willing to ask.


Knowing the right thing is one thing. Doing the right thing is everything. Do it now.

Great Habits Help Make Great Marriages

I'll bet that you and your spouse can quickly come up with a list of things you do individually that are just routine in your daily schedule. You make your coffee, take a shower, read the paper, turn on the TV, go to church, take the kids to school and dozens more.

And while some of those activities are simply our personal choice,  many of our habits are helpful because they keep us doing things that are important. We stay clean, we see that our kids get an education and we go to work and help pay the bills.

However, how many routines do you and your spouse have that are important to the health of your marriage? I find that most couples who are struggling rarely take time to develop habits for their marriage. They're too busy or they simply haven't thought about it.

So let me suggest a couple of habits that could help add new life, strength and even healing to your relationship. And by habits I mean that you do them so regularly that if something interferes with them you will naturally do them the next time.

First, have a time during the week that's just for you. Yes, when you have kids at home this is more difficult but don't let parenting get in the way of this one. When our kids were little we shared babysitters every other week so we could have a Saturday morning to ourselves. For many years since I've been a pastor we've taken Monday or Friday off.

And we just spent 12 days in Russia when we missed two of our off days but guess where we'll be this Monday?  Together doing something.

Second, have a time that you pray with or for each other. It's this simple - prayer matters. God is in the business of giving strength, healing and providing wisdom. But even beyond the spiritual benefits, praying for each other deepens your care and trust for each other in ways beyond what you can imagine. And I've never heard of couples fighting during prayer!

Third, be habitual about speaking words of love, life and encouragement to each other.  If you are speaking kindly to each other regularly, you'll know when you've gotten out of the habit.  You'll be able to tell that you miss the words of your spouse that build you up and vice versa.

So, take a look at your habit list and make sure some of those habits involve your spouse and time together.  True intimacy doesn't just happen.  You need to get in the habit.

Serving Together Can Help Keep You Together

I'm writing sitting in bed in a hotel room in Moscow, Russia. We're just finishing twelve days here having helped organize and lead a worship and pastors' conference here.

One of the best parts for me this year is that my wife Jackie was able to join me in Russia for the third of my fourteen trips here. She worked tirelessly with our hospitality team as they took care of both our staff and those who attended the conference.

And while there were times when we didn't see each other too much (my job involved teaching, training, etc.) we have memories and shared experiences that we will enjoy talking about for a long time.

You don't need to go to the other side of the world to have this experience. But you usually do need to plan to serve others or it probably won't happen.  We're just too busy.

And the benefits?  There are many but here are a few. First, you get to see God work in some ways beyond the usual. Most serving opportunities simply won't work well without God's hand in them to guide, direct and even surprise.  God has a special knack for bringing just the right people together, too.

Second, you let God build a similar vision and passion in you. Jackie and I will both return home with many of the same names, observations and cultural experiences that will keep us having long discussions for many months. And God does something for your spiritual connection as a couple when you take a leap of faith into something new.

Third, we learn to trust God more together. It took a considerable sacrifice for her to go - time, money and the taxing of the body.  But because we've seen God's provision before and during the trip, we trust Him even more with our lives. Add that to the many daily "God - moments" we had and you have a built in spiritual growth plan

So, look for an opportunity to serve somewhere.  Start now. Begin planning.  That's half the fun. But whatever you do don't let other things crowd out your service for Him. You will never be the same.

Wise Parents Learn to Pick Their Battles

Comedian Martin Mull once said,  "Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain."  I think most of us parents can identify with the many challenges and often the "noise" of having kids. Children  always have new ideas and new ways to push us to the limits on our decision-making.

That's why it's important for parents to decide (ahead of time, if possible) what things they are going to go to war over. There are extremes on this. Some parents don't like any conflict and refuse to let their kids down or have them mad at them so they give in on most everything. Other do the opposite and fight with their children over most everything and offer little slack room.

So, how do you find a healthy balance?  How do you determine whether to give in and let your kids do what they want or be tough?

First, ask yourself, Is this a decision the child should be making?  For example, getting in the car to go somewhere with the family at a certain time isn't optional.  And yet sometimes parents will say, "Landon, do you want to go to grandma's now?"  That's not their decision. It's time and they need to go and you need to teach them that they don't have a choice on that. You must win that argument.

Second, Is there a character issue involved that I need to shape through this decision?  Even though the issue may not be an important one at that moment, if your child has been disrespectful, dishonest  or inappropriate in some other way then you need to stick to your guns.  You can't look the other way when they have not exhibited appropriate behavior or a decent attitude.

Third, is it just not that big of a deal?  If it's reasonable for them to make a choice and if frankly the world won't end with their decision, it's reasonable and they haven't been impolite towards you or others, let them do it.  Sometimes the energy expended by taking your kids on over something that doesn't matter that much eventually becomes draining and destructive.

If you're married, I encourage you and your spouse to try to determine some of these decisions ahead of time.  Other times you'll have to make the call on the run.  However, sometimes you might try this line: "If you need an answer now, the answer is 'no.''  In the appropriate circumstances that can buy you a little time to make the wisest choice.

Hang in there.

A 13 Year Old Challenge For Your Kids

We tried something part way through our parenting years with each child that seemed to be a favorite and positive learning and growing experience. When they were approaching thirteen we developed a year-long challenge for them with a perk or two involved to give them some incentive.

We wanted to help them grow as Jesus did in "wisdom, stature, favor with God and man" (Luke 2:52) in a significant way as they headed toward adulthood. So we developed a list of things that they would do with our help during the next twelve months. The tasks included activities to develop them intellectually, spiritually, physically and socially.

And while I won't include our list here (each child is different anyway) let me share some highlights to guide you in doing something for your children if you so desire.

One key activity was reading. While they read in school we wanted them to read some important books about people, life, faith and inspiration. You probably have some favorites of your own that you would put on their list.

A second key component was job shadowing at least three people in three areas of their choice.  Our only requirement was that one of those people had to be involved in some sort of Christian ministry.  Interestingly our grown son, Tim, is now following in the steps of one of the people he shadowed and God is using him in special ways.

A third thing was requiring them to learn some basic life skills - i.e. washing clothes, ironing, cooking and saving money. And this is where one of the major perks came from.  If they basically completed the year-long exercise (be gracious but make sure they work at it well) we would match the amount of money they saved and they could spend that portion on anything they wanted.

You can of course come up with your own perks but that seemed to work well for us. At the end of the project we had a little party with some close friends to celebrate and let them know how proud we were of them.

Depending on your kids and their current activities, you might add physical exercise, Bible reading challenges, social events, etc. whatever might fill out the four areas of emphasis.  Work out your own plan.  You know your kids best.

Nonetheless, we look back at this plan as a home run idea with our children and think it's worth other families trying it out. Feel free.  And if you do use it in some form, let us and others know how it went.

Real Parental Love Knows Few Limits

I was at a large conference this week and happened to sit behind what turned out to be a very special family. A father, mother and son were all in the row ahead and nothing looked abnormal at first. The son, at least an older teen or perhaps a young man in his early twenties, sat between his mom and dad.

However, the son had seemed pretty quiet and I didn't see or hear him talk for a number of minutes.  Once the program started I could tell he had some special needs.  Before long he laid his head down on his mother's lap and she just put her hand over his back and stroked it.

After a time he sat up again, made a motion or said a quiet word to his mom, I couldn't tell, and then laid down on his father's lap. Before long the boy sat up again only this time I could see that the father was wiping something from his own pant leg or lap. The boy had apparently drooled on him.

This time the dad just calmly wiped it up, it took some time, while the mom looked on. Nobody got upset or was surprised. This had all probably happened many times before.

And while I was in a setting where spiritual training, worship and teaching were going on, observing them was truly a spiritual moment for me. I saw love and compassion for this special young man that many parents would never display or enjoy. I'm sure there had been days of heartache and disappointment but this day their love did not wane.

I found myself thinking that God our Father is like that. He sees our flaws and knows we are needy. Nonetheless, he continues to love us even though we aren't as mature as we should be or we "drool" on him through our weaknesses and faults. Yes, He knows what we are capable of but also accepts our limitations. When we're tired and overwhelmbed He strokes our backs in the same way these parents did soothing us to rest.

I'm glad I met that family the other day. I may never see them again but hopefully I'll never forget the poignant image they painted for me through their care for their son.  It was a picture of our Father loving us as only a parent could do.