Making the Most (Or Least) of Television At Your House

Since 1999 the American Academy of Pediatrics has been discouraging parents from allowing kids under two to watch television. However, many parents, leaders and even some pediatricians have felt that the academy's views were draconian and out of touch at best.

However, ongoing study and more recent research have showed a couple of concepts to still be true. First, young children learn best from real people and playing with real objects. And second, kids over two can learn language and social skills from high-quality programs.

In fact, there is evidence that watching significant television, even the usual teaching shows such as Sesame Street, can hurt their language development, reduce the quality of sleep and detract from unplugged, unstructured playtime.

In addition, when parents watch a lot of TV they tend to talk and interact less with their children in general and the TV distracts the child even if they are not actively watching the parent's show.

So, while only a few parents would choose or need to enforce a totally no-TV rule, there are some basic principles that the research seems to suggest for the wise parent.

First, don't just leave the television on in your home. Whether we like it or not, it distracts and impedes healthy and rich interactions while stealing from a family's ability to concentrate on each other.

Second, limit the amount of time your child who is two or older spends in front of the television.  Of course, choose programming that is enriching or appropriately entertaining but limit the amount as well. Make television a treat or something special, not the norm. Be intentional about the plan you put in place for the role of television in your child's life.

Third, as kids begin school, don't allow the television to be on while they do schoolwork. You as a parent may need to change some of your habits but your life will be better too as you focus on reading,  hobbies or interaction with your spouse or friends.

Fourth, develop habits of doing things together as a family that might have been spent in front of the television. Playing games, reading, watch a video of interest and just talking are nurturing activities that are often lost in many homes these days.

Finally, when you can watch television together and discuss some of what you saw, good or bad, afterwards. Sometimes you will get sideswiped by a negative impression or scene that you weren't planning on.  Use it as a teaching opportunity and lead-in for further discussion depending upon the ages of your kids.

Television isn't evil or harmful in and of itself. It can just be used that way. However, we can also turn it into a valuable means of enhancing our kids' worldview, knowledge and growth if we'll just manage it well. And that won't happen by itself.

What Are We Teaching Our Kids About "Stuff?"

It has become known as Black Friday. It's the day after Thanksgiving when so many get up in the middle of the night or don't go to bed at all so they can shop for all the sales. For some it's a holiday tradition while for others a chance to seriously save some money. Who knows if they really save anything but that's their sincere goal in many cases.

And frankly, enjoying family time in a fun, unique way or saving a few dollars both have their merits.  But this year a woman in Los Angeles peppered sprayed ten people in line in front of her so she could be first. Another man experiencing a heart attack was walked over. And a lady grabbed as many two-dollar waffle irons as she could as her pants began to slip down off her bottom.

Sure, these are extreme examples. Not everyone who engaged in Black Friday shopping was so rude or crude. But it's worth considering whether we're sending signals to our family that stuff means more to us than it should. While we may not even shop on Thanksgiving weekend, we can still be teaching things about our possessions that will be harmful in the long run. How might we do that?

First, we may have a habit of always wanting one more thing or the next best one. Companies have a way of coming out with new products within months sometimes of the last one. That's fine but do we always have to have the latest one? If so, we teach our kids that appreciating what we have doesn't matter.

Second, we may tend to get things NOW rather than later. We can't wait, we won't settle for keeping the old one and we fear the embarrassment that others will have something that we don't.  If we're not careful we can subtly teach our families that waiting and saving are not that important. In fact, this perspective can lead to significant credit card debt and overspending.

Third, we may simply talk more about getting than giving. We may help out our token charity, give to the church or serve once a year but giving to others isn't a regular part of our home life.

You get the idea. We don't have to be a Black Friday fanatic or do something wildly absurd or unkind to send all the wrong messages. We teach our families by what we do the most and how we live our lives from day to day.

You want to teach your family members how to keep your "stuff" in perspective? Live your life in a way that it wouldn't matter that much if you lost it all.

A Different Kind of Christmas For Your Family

I'll bet you're already envisioning what Christmas will be like at your house. Perhaps it will include a  service somewhere, family gatherings, a special breakfast, gifts under the tree, visits to local lighting displays and lots of great food.

You probably have other special traditions that are unique to your family and all those things are good and right to enjoy. Christmas should be a time of celebration, joy and family.

However, what might it be like if we allowed Christmas to take a significant turn in our home and we did something radically different? What if we made it a day more of giving than getting? What if we did one of the simplest, yet most memorable holidays yet?

A few suggestions.  First, think about purchasing a gift that keeps on giving. World Vision and other agencies have catalogues where you can buy an animal, for example, that would help keep on feeding a family in another country. Their brochure or website is usually full of ideas from small to large that are difference makers and would model for your children what it means to really sacrifice for someone else.

You  can invite your children to be a part of the decision making process, too, and have lots of fun picking out just the right gift. You can also get more information about who you will be helping plus follow up later.

Second, think about only giving each other one or two gifts this year. Explain that you're going to use the money you save to help others or you want to just simplify the day and focus on its real meaning. Another option is to just limit the amount you spend on each other but see who can get the most for the money.

Third, read the Christmas story together and/or watch a video that will help you think about Christmas as a family. Even in Christian homes the actually story of Jesus' birth can get lost in all the busyness that we allow to crowd into our homes. You can count on the TV networks to only show holiday movies that get no deeper than dreams, trees, smiles and snowmen. Give your family better.

Fourth, go serve others somewhere on Christmas Day. There are usually nursing homes, shelters and homeless camps who would love to have a family like yours come and spend a part of the day with them volunteering or just talking to people. Or if you're willing to consider bigger ideas use your holiday time off to do a missions trip.

You can no doubt come up with many more ideas but think about making this the most unique kind of Christmas ever. I know your family will never be the same and you'll have memory that you will talk about for a long time.

When Right Loses Out to Reputation

I'm sure thousands of articles and blog posts have been or will be written about the terrible revelations of child abuse at Penn State. And unless we're experts in the law or know facts that the general public doesn't know none of us writers should be making judgments about motives, actions and intentions that we can't possibly know about for sure.

However, there seems to be one thing that is pretty clear in all of this.  And sadly it's probably true in many other offices, homes, and universities. People often don't do the RIGHT thing because they are more worried about their reputation. Or put another way, they don't do the hard thing because they don't want to look bad, it's painful or they might get rejected by someone.

Unfortunately, we all have this tendency. Some of us just take it to greater extremes than others. The sad part in the Penn State case is that the result of not doing the right thing is that a number of young children have been irreparably hurt. Yes, they can heal and hopefully by now have been able to move on as young adults but they lost something that can never be returned. They have memories that will not be erased.

Much of that could have been prevented if a few people would have just done the right thing.

So we'll have to let the authorities and other officials determine how the Penn State situation plays out. However, we can certainly look at ourselves and ask if there are corners we are cutting, things we're avoiding or actions we're taking that we are unwilling to expose because our reputation might be on the line.

Who's going to be hurt if we keep doing what we're doing or are not willing to take the high road?

So let me suggest a couple of ideas for anyone at a crossroads of right versus wrong. First, tell someone you trust. You don't need to tell the whole world, but tell someone. Let them help you take the next steps or keep you accountable. Second, if you know something as serious as the Penn State allegations, talk to the police. Don't wait one more minute.  

Third, if you personally need forgiveness, talk to a counselor who can tell you about God's love for you and walk you through finding His forgiveness. There is nothing He can't or won't forgive. We just have to be willing to ask.


Knowing the right thing is one thing. Doing the right thing is everything. Do it now.

Great Habits Help Make Great Marriages

I'll bet that you and your spouse can quickly come up with a list of things you do individually that are just routine in your daily schedule. You make your coffee, take a shower, read the paper, turn on the TV, go to church, take the kids to school and dozens more.

And while some of those activities are simply our personal choice,  many of our habits are helpful because they keep us doing things that are important. We stay clean, we see that our kids get an education and we go to work and help pay the bills.

However, how many routines do you and your spouse have that are important to the health of your marriage? I find that most couples who are struggling rarely take time to develop habits for their marriage. They're too busy or they simply haven't thought about it.

So let me suggest a couple of habits that could help add new life, strength and even healing to your relationship. And by habits I mean that you do them so regularly that if something interferes with them you will naturally do them the next time.

First, have a time during the week that's just for you. Yes, when you have kids at home this is more difficult but don't let parenting get in the way of this one. When our kids were little we shared babysitters every other week so we could have a Saturday morning to ourselves. For many years since I've been a pastor we've taken Monday or Friday off.

And we just spent 12 days in Russia when we missed two of our off days but guess where we'll be this Monday?  Together doing something.

Second, have a time that you pray with or for each other. It's this simple - prayer matters. God is in the business of giving strength, healing and providing wisdom. But even beyond the spiritual benefits, praying for each other deepens your care and trust for each other in ways beyond what you can imagine. And I've never heard of couples fighting during prayer!

Third, be habitual about speaking words of love, life and encouragement to each other.  If you are speaking kindly to each other regularly, you'll know when you've gotten out of the habit.  You'll be able to tell that you miss the words of your spouse that build you up and vice versa.

So, take a look at your habit list and make sure some of those habits involve your spouse and time together.  True intimacy doesn't just happen.  You need to get in the habit.

Serving Together Can Help Keep You Together

I'm writing sitting in bed in a hotel room in Moscow, Russia. We're just finishing twelve days here having helped organize and lead a worship and pastors' conference here.

One of the best parts for me this year is that my wife Jackie was able to join me in Russia for the third of my fourteen trips here. She worked tirelessly with our hospitality team as they took care of both our staff and those who attended the conference.

And while there were times when we didn't see each other too much (my job involved teaching, training, etc.) we have memories and shared experiences that we will enjoy talking about for a long time.

You don't need to go to the other side of the world to have this experience. But you usually do need to plan to serve others or it probably won't happen.  We're just too busy.

And the benefits?  There are many but here are a few. First, you get to see God work in some ways beyond the usual. Most serving opportunities simply won't work well without God's hand in them to guide, direct and even surprise.  God has a special knack for bringing just the right people together, too.

Second, you let God build a similar vision and passion in you. Jackie and I will both return home with many of the same names, observations and cultural experiences that will keep us having long discussions for many months. And God does something for your spiritual connection as a couple when you take a leap of faith into something new.

Third, we learn to trust God more together. It took a considerable sacrifice for her to go - time, money and the taxing of the body.  But because we've seen God's provision before and during the trip, we trust Him even more with our lives. Add that to the many daily "God - moments" we had and you have a built in spiritual growth plan

So, look for an opportunity to serve somewhere.  Start now. Begin planning.  That's half the fun. But whatever you do don't let other things crowd out your service for Him. You will never be the same.

Wise Parents Learn to Pick Their Battles

Comedian Martin Mull once said,  "Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain."  I think most of us parents can identify with the many challenges and often the "noise" of having kids. Children  always have new ideas and new ways to push us to the limits on our decision-making.

That's why it's important for parents to decide (ahead of time, if possible) what things they are going to go to war over. There are extremes on this. Some parents don't like any conflict and refuse to let their kids down or have them mad at them so they give in on most everything. Other do the opposite and fight with their children over most everything and offer little slack room.

So, how do you find a healthy balance?  How do you determine whether to give in and let your kids do what they want or be tough?

First, ask yourself, Is this a decision the child should be making?  For example, getting in the car to go somewhere with the family at a certain time isn't optional.  And yet sometimes parents will say, "Landon, do you want to go to grandma's now?"  That's not their decision. It's time and they need to go and you need to teach them that they don't have a choice on that. You must win that argument.

Second, Is there a character issue involved that I need to shape through this decision?  Even though the issue may not be an important one at that moment, if your child has been disrespectful, dishonest  or inappropriate in some other way then you need to stick to your guns.  You can't look the other way when they have not exhibited appropriate behavior or a decent attitude.

Third, is it just not that big of a deal?  If it's reasonable for them to make a choice and if frankly the world won't end with their decision, it's reasonable and they haven't been impolite towards you or others, let them do it.  Sometimes the energy expended by taking your kids on over something that doesn't matter that much eventually becomes draining and destructive.

If you're married, I encourage you and your spouse to try to determine some of these decisions ahead of time.  Other times you'll have to make the call on the run.  However, sometimes you might try this line: "If you need an answer now, the answer is 'no.''  In the appropriate circumstances that can buy you a little time to make the wisest choice.

Hang in there.