Why Many Kids Today Are Killing Their Parents . . . Well, sort of.

Why Many Kids Today Are Killing Their Parents . . . Well, sort of.

Sadly, we read almost every week that some family dispute has again occurred and one of the members of what was a generally loving family, mom, dad or a child was killed by one of them. These scenarios are always tragic and horribly sad, but seem to be increasing in many part ...

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Why We Made Our Kids "Moons" Not the Sun

The solar system is amazing isn't it? Planets (okay, no more Pluto) revolve in continuous orbit around our majestic sun. Each follows a distinct path at varying distances away from the golden globe at our system's center causing a uniqueness in each locale of temperature, general climate and substance.



And even scientists with all their knowledge and brilliance realize there is still so much to learn.

But as incredible as this miracle of physics in God's creation is, it's not a great model for a family if the sun happens to be now occupied by the kids. And in many families that's exactly the situation.

The kids have become the sun and the parents, grandparents and who knows who else are now forced to revolve around them. Activities, vacations, days off and a lot of money are invested every day and every week to keep it all working. In fact, to run the analogy just a bit further, the kids actually can begin to think they're the center of the universe or in other words everything.

They become entitled . . . deserving in their minds of more time, investment and commitment by mom and dad and other siblings not yet acting as their own sun. And this misunderstanding of the familial solar system is hurting, even destroying many a home. Homes that revolve around the kids, as the planets do the sun, are typically not healthy and in many cases self-destructing.

One symptom of over-focusing the life of our family on the children has been parent-hovering, driven by moms and dads who won't let one detail of their child's life be threatening or hurtful. But interestingly, several articles have been published recently in well-respected magazines such as Psychology Today, suggesting that helicopter parenting as it is referred to is even more harmful than once thought.

Of course are kids should be important, loved and very special to us. But they cannot become the center of our home's solar system. That's why we tried to live as though our kids were moons, orbiting and reflecting light from us, light that we tried to reflect from our sun, the wisdom, direction, example and knowledge of God.

In practical terms, that also means that our schedule should, excuse the pun, reflect this same structure. If the kids are not the center of our system, then our calendar will not be all about them. Our lives won't orbit around our kids even though they deserve our attention and appropriate focus. But they will be moons, pulled naturally by other nearby planets, but not the sun.

And frankly, we'll all be better off as a result. We'll slow down. Kids will learn to respect and give to others rather than just get the attention and resources for themselves all the time. We'll all be less stressed and anxious about life, not trying to get it all done and being tired much of the time.

You see, just as God placed our solar system in a structure where each part works well with the others, families need to work the same way. And when kids become the sun then that order and structure gets disrupted and the parts can't work properly.

And while your family will still have its uniquenesses, you'll find yourselves when in the proper orbit enjoying each other far more, connecting on a deeper level and even growing more in faith and other things that really matter. And who knows, maybe even Pluto can be reinstated one of these days!

Why We Need To Quit Trying To Give Our Kids Everything

Why We Need To Quit Trying To Give Our Kids Everything

Another Labor Day weekend has arrived and millions travel, head to beaches, enjoy cookouts or embrace resting for an extra day much deserved. There will myriad parades, special events and end-of-summer celebrations as most of us in the north hope to stretch the warmer temperatures ...

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Five Things To Teach Your Teens Before They Leave The Nest

Five Things To Teach Your Teens Before They Leave The Nest

Let's face it. Teens are often vilified, considered rebels and emotional wrecks much of the time. Many parents hope and pray that everyone can just get along until they are out of the house. However, the teenage years are an important time for parents to stay very intentional ...

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Seven Simple Habits Every Parent Should Teach and Model

Seven Simple Habits Every Parent Should Teach and Model

We all can think of the great sayings of all time, some from the Bible, others wise proverbs and many the timely thoughts of great leaders and individuals. Most of these principles suggest practical actions and regular behaviors that will make life better, more joyful and certainly ...

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Staying Married 40 Years: The Tools of Commitment

Staying Married 40 Years: The Tools of Commitment

Jackie and I are celebrating forty years of marriage today, Sunday, June 26th. We were married in 1976, the same year our country was founded. Oh, wait a minute, it just seems that long and we look that old at times. We actually honeymooned in Canada during most of the 200th ...

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Three Things That Can Steal From Your Kids' Summer

Three Things That Can Steal From Your Kids' Summer

For many parents summer is often either a blessing or a curse. It's a blessing because the early mornings, school nights and mounds of homework end for a while. It can be a curse because mom and/or dad have to figure out how to keep their cherubs happily occupied, busy and at ...

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Memorial Days Are Better With Stories

Memorial Days Are Better With Stories

My dad, Harold Sinclair, served four years in World War II. He didn't die in the war. He passed away in 2000, a goal he'd told us about for most of our lives. "I at least want to live to see 2000," he reminded us most every birthday. However, he could have died in the war and ...

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A Top Ten List For Dads

A Top Ten List For Dads

I can't think of many things I've enjoyed more in my life than being a dad. Of course, there have been a few hard, even disappointing times, but not many. Kids will always be kids and I know I sure made my share of mistakes, learning how to be a father by trial and error much ...

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When We Mean Well But Make It Worse

When We Mean Well But Make It Worse

When a loved one, friend or neighbor faces a tragedy or challenge, our natural response is usually to do something, say something helpful or in other words, make it better. We certainly would never intend to add more angst to their situation but frankly we sometimes do - unintentionally. And ...

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Three Things To Be Sure To Teach Your Kids About Home

Three Things To Be Sure To Teach Your Kids About Home

My wife and I recently moved again after less than two years at our former residence. We've actually been blessed to stay in several places for eight to as long as seventeen years at a stretch but whatever the time frame moving can still be tough. It's not only the challenge ...

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Three Key Non-negotiables In A Healthy Marriage

Three Key Non-negotiables In A Healthy Marriage

Every marriage, every relationship has its uniquenesses. Some spouses are more active or outgoing than others. Some have no kids, others a couple, some a large brood. Some husbands and wives love the outdoors, sports or travel. Others can be happy at home, enjoying local family ...

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THE, (Yes), THE Most Important Parenting Principle

THE, (Yes), THE Most Important Parenting Principle

Thousands of books have been written on how to parent and many of them contain outstanding, practical ideas regarding tactics, strategies and plan old actions that effective parents do. Of course, some ideas work well in some families and some accomplish more in different homes ...

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Ten Things To Always Consider Before Marriage

Ten Things To Always Consider Before Marriage

A wedding is one of those events that most look forward to and eagerly anticipate. Little girls dream about theirs and act out the perfect wedding in play times. Couples spend countless hours looking for the perfect location and extra elements that will make their day memorable. And ...

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Can Anyone Learn Anything From Soccer? Maybe.

Can Anyone Learn Anything From Soccer? Maybe.

We're going to another professional soccer game today. Our son is the public address announcer for the Chicago Fire and sometimes we get to sit with the boys during the game while Tim works and spend a little time as a family beforehand and after. I've never been much of a soccer ...

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"Do It Again" And Other Everyday Wonders

What parent or grandparent hasn't sighed a time or two when they've turned the last page of a book and the child in their lap says, "Read it again." And while we generally love those moments with our sweet kids or grandchildren, thankful that they even want to read these days, it's easy to want to just move on to something else.

It's tempting to wonder what significance could there be in those next few moments that couldn't wait for another time.

And while every reading session or other activity needs to eventually end, let me suggest why we not jump too quickly to wrap up our time.

Those opportunities don't last forever.  Before long our attentive readers won't be as interested, they'll grow quickly, move on to more fun or challenging pursuits. And God forbid, people die. We may not be there for the next book. One more time could be the last time - why not have it now?

There's wonder, awe and holy ground there. No, I'm not suggesting our little darlings are angelic all the time. God know mine aren't. But think about it . . . in just the reading of a simple book, a fearfully and wonderfully formed being is seeing, thinking, hearing, processing, enjoying, imagining and learning all at the same time. They are in the process of becoming who they are and who they were made to become, help and influence someday.

They, too, are wondering, revering this new knowledge and experience as though it's the best thing that's happened to them all day. And we get to be there.

God knows the beauty of repetition and made it available to us. Think about the creation story. Six days God designed new things and then pronounced them good or very good. He also made them, millions, billions and trillions in some cases, to do the same thing over and over. The sun comes up and sets every day, the moon circles the earth over and over, the stars keep shining their light from almost uncountable miles away.

You can sort of hear God saying, Do it again, sun. Do it again, moon. There's wonder in repetition that flows from the eternal, that is beyond our human abilities or understanding. Who doesn't want to see it one more time?

Observing God's hand in the everyday enriches and deepens us. Life becomes more fascinating, special and worthwhile. Things that once bored us become intriguing and our days take on fresh meaning and purpose because we saw the miraculous in the mundane.

So when you next hear the words one more time, be thankful. Enjoy the moment. You're in touch with the eternal, the holy, a special moment that you may never have again. Don't miss it. 

Three Things We Inadvertently Teach Our Kids

Three Things We Inadvertently Teach Our Kids

Most of us find ourselves modeling the actions of our parents, right? Even things we vowed we would never do sometimes just happen and we hardly notice. However, we also teach our kids attitudes and actions that most of us would rather they didn't learn. And chances are that ...

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Real Parents Actually Parent

Real Parents Actually Parent

There are all sorts of things we can purchase these days that look like the real thing. You can find faux leather, fake diamonds and a luxury countertop that only looks like granite. When you're buying something that only mimics the original it's called a knock off and we have ...

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Is Your Spouse Still Your Best Friend?

Is Your Spouse Still Your Best Friend?

How many times do you hear it at a wedding or see it celebrated on Facebook years later?  Today (or on their anniversary) they say, I married my best friend. And that's a good thing. How wonderful that a two people grew through a wonderful, deep, meaningful friendship and ...

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Five Discomforts Every Parent Needs To Embrace

Five Discomforts Every Parent Needs To Embrace

There are lots of things parents endure that are certainly yucky or at least not much fun, right? We live with these irritations but would rather not have to face them: dirty diapers, kids with the flu, filthy clothes, messy rooms and food that lands on the floor, just to mention ...

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Why Your Marriage May Be Getting Stale Without You Knowing It

Why Your Marriage May Be Getting Stale Without You Knowing It

Have you ever headed to the refrigerator anticipating a cold drink of milk or juice, a crisp piece of fruit or a crunchy vegetable. Or maybe your more decadent taste buds were already salivating as you thought about that one piece of pie or other dessert still there. But when ...

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Three Things Every Child Needs To Learn About Leadership

Three Things Every Child Needs To Learn About Leadership

Most of us parents have these dreams that someday our kids (at least one of them) will be in front of a team of people, maybe even thousands, motivating them to do great things, change their lives and perhaps lead others as well. Of course the reality is that not all of our kids ...

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Sometimes We Smell And That's A Good Thing

Sometimes We Smell And That's A Good Thing

Alright let me be blunt here. Why do a baby's diapers smell so bad? Is it the vitamins? I don't know. Of course there are lots of things whose odors are so pungent that we immediately turn away. Rotten meat or eggs, manure in a farmer's field, something that burned on the stove ...

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The Three Things I Most Want To Leave My Kids

The Three Things I Most Want To Leave My Kids

Most of us have heard the old illustration or challenge to think about the three things you would grab first if your house were on fire. And yet, our response to that question does tell people a little about our priorities, at least regarding temporal things. But given more time, ...

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Life Is A Vapor: Make The Most Of It Now.

Life Is A Vapor: Make The Most Of It Now.

An early morning text woke me today, telling me what I had feared that a sweet man and friend from my church had died following a major surgery. He loved Jesus and was never afraid to talk about his faith, raise his hands in worship or serve others. He'd had quite a few surgeries ...

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Three Things We Need to Quit Telling Our Kids

Three Things We Need to Quit Telling Our Kids

I'm confident I could find scores of studies that show parents really do have the ability to impact their children over time.  The research would no doubt suggest that if we do things relatively well we can teach our sons and daughters how to relate to others, love God, work ...

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Marriage: The Important Three Circles of Connecting

Marriage: The Important Three Circles of Connecting

If you were to ask most married couples how and when they spend time with each other (if they do) they would likely tell you about an activity or meeting together that falls into one of three options. Some would say, Well, we connect and communicate as we go through our day ...

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