THE, (Yes), THE Most Important Parenting Principle

Thousands of books have been written on how to parent and many of them contain outstanding, practical ideas regarding tactics, strategies and plan old actions that effective parents do. Of course, some ideas work well in some families and some accomplish more in different homes with different children.

You always have to pick and choose, use some trial and error and know your kids well before you land on the Holy Grail kinds of parenting skills. I wrote my own book that I think has helped some moms and dads. It's called Turn Up or Turn Around Your Parenting and is available at Amazon in both paperback and Kindle.

However, I want to highlight something I cover in the very first chapter that I think too many parents overlook, play down or at best give too little importance. And I'm convinced that in a home where there is a mom and dad that this is THE most important parenting theorem and rule of all time. And if parents don't make this a priority the rest of the ideas in those thousands of books will matter little because they won't work, at least not for long.

So what is this gem of principle that I've baited you long enough with? Here it is: Moms and dads must be on the same page and carry out the basic rules, guidelines and disciplines they decide on. This sounds so simple but many parents knowingly or unintentionally actually undermine the discipline and guidance of each other by doing just the opposite.

It happens in a couple of ways. Sometimes parents actually do talk about what they're going to enforce at bedtime, for a curfew, regarding parties, riding in other cars, going to a weekend activity, etc. But then when that guideline is broken or questioned one parent or the other looks the other way, thinks the change is no big deal and the child wins.

Other times, parents have to deal with a more spontaneous ask from their child about what to wear, going out with friends, playing with their video game, going to bed at a unique time or whatever. These kinds of events can't be talked about specifically because they don't fall into any regular pattern, category or previous discussion's content.

But the problem is that parents often then make a quick decision not knowing whether their son or daughter has already asked about this or if the other parent knows a good reason why a decision one way or the other isn't a good idea.

The result of either of these scenarios not handled in tandem together and based on previously agreed upon parameters is two-fold:  One, the children begin to believe that they really don't have to keep most rules because they can be easily broken. Or two, one spouse begins to think that their input or discipline really doesn't matter because the other partner continues to allow the opposite. And the corollary is that the kids begin to think that one parent is an easy mark.

What's the answer?  First, parents must have those meetings that lay out the basic rules and guidelines for discipline. Of course these things change as the kids get older, but the meetings and clear determinations are important nonetheless.

Second, parents must commit to keeping those rules (there are of course exceptions but should be rare) even if the other parent isn't there to help enforce them. And when we don't know if the other parent has weighed in or has a perspective particularly regarding a more spontaneous ask that needs our decision, we came up with a phrase to say to our kids.

If you need an answer now, the answer is "no."  If you can wait ten minutes (or whatever time is required) the answer is "maybe." Which option would you like to go with?

Of course, 90% of the time they took the maybe route.  That was the option with some hope and promise behind it. Once we began to respond that way all the time our kids figured out that working us against each other or pushing back on the rule wasn't going to work.

So how are you doing?  Do you and your spouse need to have a staff meeting to re-visit your discipline partnership?  If you're having trouble enforcing healthy actions and attitudes at home it's possible that you need that gathering and a new team perspective.  Chances are you need to renew your commitment to helping and supporting each other when it comes to leading and guiding your children.

And for more detail on this and other practical stuff check out my parenting book at: http://amzn.to/1SCJv53.  Happy and more fulfilling parenting!

Five Discomforts Every Parent Needs To Embrace

There are lots of things parents endure that are certainly yucky or at least not much fun, right? We live with these irritations but would rather not have to face them: dirty diapers, kids with the flu, filthy clothes, messy rooms and food that lands on the floor, just to mention a few. You get the picture. These facets of parenting, though necessary, aren't exactly the most enjoyable parts of being a mom or dad.

But I want to suggest that there are at least five potential kid qualities that, while they too may make us cringe at times, should actually be welcomed. They will in most cases shine a beacon on wonderful, future possibilities that our children might never encounter without them. Don't push them aside.

The child who always has a better idea. Do you have a potential lawyer at home? You know, the one who you always had evidence and even witnesses to present as to why what they want to do, be or think is better than what you have in mind. These kids can be exhausting and of course at times need boundaries.

But these are also the kids who are going to be entrepreneurs, try new things and have the ability to think subjectively. They'll one day come up with better ideas for all of us and likely go a long way in the adult world.

The child who questions your most valued beliefs. This may also be the same child in the better idea group but here we add that they regularly question everything from your political perspective to your personal faith in God, the Bible or Heaven. And yes, you may spend much of their adolescent years debating and getting them to quit hating church or even go.  But trust me, they have the greatest potential to develop a deep, long-lasting, passionate faith, because they've dug deeply into truth. They don't just believe something because you as a mom or dad did. They make their belief system their own.

The child who doesn't like doing the things most others like. We live in a very activity-driven culture these days, with accomplishments, trophies, scholarships and other awards that are often agreed upon spoils for being successful.  And you're not popular if you don't participate. Add to that the fact that there are a limited number of acceptable arenas for that success - i.e. certain sports, certain music options and certain kinds of schools to enter - most parents would rather their child didn't deviate from that list.

But some of our kids do not gravitate to these common talents, skills and interests but take the road less traveled. They're into writing, specialized art, other cultures, history or acting and we need to  celebrate, encourage and listen to them. These are people in our churches who also need to be told they can do something in our gatherings and ministry that counts and is just as important as the more common talents. They add color and fabric to any group if we'll just let them.

The child whose temperament is different from the others. This uniqueness often fuels the others I've talked about but it's worth its own mention. One child will want to be with people all the time and rarely plays by himself or herself. Another, however, can stay busy and interested in lots of things while alone in a room for an hour or two. I have one of each extreme in my immediate and extended family. And at times I've honestly worried about both of them for different reasons.

But today one is a successful entrepreneur while the other is a tremendous graphic artist who's helped me on numerous occasions.

The special needs child who adds a little more challenge to each day. I've never parented a special needs child so I'm hardly an expert. But I've rarely talked to a special needs parent who doesn't regularly get blessed because of their child's extra insight, perspective and focus on what's important. Yes, they are often more work, at least for a long while. But that little bit of discomfort always brings greater joy that would not probably be experienced in the same way without them there.

So, mom and dad. If you're feeling a little overwhelmed about having a child or two or three that doesn't exactly fit some sort of mold you were expecting, consider yourself blessed. You may not see all the positive outcomes today, but the best is yet to come. Wait for it.

Three Things Every Child Needs To Learn About Leadership

Most of us parents have these dreams that someday our kids (at least one of them) will be in front of a team of people, maybe even thousands, motivating them to do great things, change their lives and perhaps lead others as well.

Of course the reality is that not all of our kids for a host of reasons will aspire to or have the talent to be in that dynamic a situation. They aren't all born with the skills, personalities and temperament to be great influencers of people.

But there are some things that every child needs to learn, especially at home, about leadership whether they ever become a leader or not.

First, they need to learn that everybody leads. No, not everyone is gifted as a leader, but everyone will lead even if it's only by default. As John Maxwell and other leadership experts suggest, leadership is influence, and we all will influence others in some way for good or bad.

Perhaps a corollary to this idea is that our actions towards others matter. We may only influence a sibling, a friend or two or a neighbor, but we're still leading. In other words let's teach our kids that their actions have consequences and often that will mean impacting someone else.

Second, teach them that not everyone is designed to be an overt, formal leader. Leaders need good followers. In fact following well is also a taught and nurtured skill. We parents can make a huge difference in how children actually learn to follow, us as their parents and the other leaders in the world.

And yet many parents are absent when training to follow is possible. They expect others to set up the rules and keep their kids on task, leaving the guidelines and boundaries open ended much of the time at home.

Third, we need to model for our children that leaders are to be respected even if we disagree with them. Yes, children will need to deal differently with peers who exhibit leadership skills early on and may want to use those skills to dominate or control them inappropriately. We'll probably have to help them navigate those waters and learn how to respond.

But, too many kids never learn how to talk respectfully and graciously to adults at school, their job in the future or church. They hear their friends talking down about leaders so they can be swayed to do the same.

Leadership training is not something to be put off until our kids are adults. Leadership is modeled and nurtured as well in our homes and we dare not skip our responsibilities in that. The dividends are significant.

Three Things We Need to Quit Telling Our Kids

I'm confident I could find scores of studies that show parents really do have the ability to impact their children over time.  The research would no doubt suggest that if we do things relatively well we can teach our sons and daughters how to relate to others, love God, work hard, save for the future and someday lead a home of their own just to name a few. I'm thankful for that.

However, there are several things I hear parents regularly suggest to their children  and I just have one cautionary word for these likely well-meaning moms and dads: STOP!

I'm sure there are many examples to be mentioned but I'll go with what I call the big three, all untruths and errors we parents need to finally avoid saying or implying.

Just put your mind to it and you can do anything you want someday. What? No, our kids can't do just anything they want to do someday and neither can you. Kids with little athletic interest or skill won't make the Olympics. Someone like me who can barely cut a piece of wood or hammer a nail was never going to build a house and shouldn't for that matter. A child born blind isn't going to be an airline captain at Southwest. The more you think about it, the dumber this sounds.

And it's okay that we can't do everything we try or wish for. We're still humans, not Jesus. So let's not suggest to our kids that they will always succeed and reach their goals and dreams. What we mean, so let's actually say it, is that there are amazing things they can do and some will be things we only dream of now but the list won't be endless. There are exceptions. We just set our kids up for huge failure and disappointment when we're not honest.

Or a related misguided comment is, You're really good at that . . . when they really aren't. Again, we're falsely building them up believing that our phony praise will be good motivation and they won't feel bad. The problem is they don't need our pretend accolades to be successful. If anything, we would be wiser to help them find what it is they actually have an aptitude and affinity for and let them succeed at that!

We tell our kids that they're great soccer players at age five and many of them actually hate playing it every week, but we prod them on. In reality we often need them playing more than they do. Why do you think so many terrible singers get angry, throw tantrums or run down the street shouting obscenities at the judges who told them they were terrible on American Idol? Didn't they know they were horrible singers? Probably not.  In many cases mom and dad kept believing that they were awesome, going to someday be superstars and should never let anyone tell them otherwise.

The main result from this one is a bunch of kids who feel entitled thinking that everyone else should see that they're wonderful. But instead they become a laughing stock in front of millions on Idol or quit trying to find a job or go to college because they got turned down a few times. What happens to their view of themselves now?

You deserve to be happy. The problem with this seemingly innocuous comment is that it ultimately implies that our happiness is based on others giving it to us. And if those others do not come through for us, then we're victims, we've been mistreated, even abused in our minds. In addition, because we supposedly deserve happiness, then some take that as license to either demand it from others or focus all of their efforts and energy on pleasing themselves to dull the pain.

Instead, why don't we show our kids how we find happiness and joy even when times are difficult and life doesn't work the way we'd hoped?  Let's spend time pointing them to our God, our faith, the source of true joy even when we've faced tragedy, pain and sorrow.

We have much to teach our kids while they are in our homes. Let's not screw it up with messages that miss the mark of truth and reality by a long shot.

Your Family And The Supreme Court Decision

It's been a few weeks now since the Supreme Court's landmark decision on same-sex marriages. Thousands of editorials and articles have been written, pro and con, and it seems like emotions have for now at least settled down somewhat.

Nonetheless, impassioned cries have come for pastors and churches to do everything from rise up as a mighty army to fight the decision and its implications to be more tolerant and accepting even though one may be opposed.

Those discussions and actions will continue for a long time I suspect.

But a question for families might be the more practical one to consider: what should Christian parents do and say to their kids about it?  Or should we just not talk about it? How do we prepare our families for the likely discussions they will encounter at work, in school or college this fall? How can we share what we believe to be God's truth while helping one another to respond to others in a Christlike fashion?

Let me suggest a couple ideas that could help.

First, if you're married work on your own marriage. Yes, boldly model what it means to have a healthy, growing, even thriving relationship in your house. Don't settle for OK. Show your kids how the two of you work at spending time together, having a vision for your long-term relationship and truly loving each other. So many kids today see mom and dad mostly as their taxi drivers and providers. Their parents have or experience little time for and with each other.

My hunch is that some of the most vocal Christians will be ones who spend little time, if any, improving and deepening their own marriage. We'll accomplish far more if we can make a case for and model a healthy heterosexual marriage.

Second, make sure you know the facts on the decision. Talk, yes, about what was decided but try to avoid all sorts of implications that we simply do not know will happen at this point. It's tempting to bemoan the possible changes in our culture, church or future decisions merely getting everyone worried rather than focusing on the present. There have already been numerous internet hoaxes of apparent actions taken as a result of the Supreme Court's decision. And of course, people jumped all over those, posted them to Facebook or Twitter and looked bad as a result.

Let's help our own families to learn the important lesson of getting the details first on anything before we assume the worst or some significant outcome.

Third, teach one another about speaking the truth in love and with grace.  As I've written elsewhere we can do our part to stand for the truth without becoming people others can't stand. Let's remind each other that we all make mistakes, that none of deserves God's grace and that there are sins that we all commit that also need forgiveness, love and someone to not reject us because of them.

What are our kids hearing come out of our mouths on this issue? What spirit do they sense behind our disagreement - bitterness, contempt and disdain or mercy, compassion and kindness?

Fourth, help one another with some cogent, respectable and meaningful replies to those who would espouse same-sex marriage. Learn to respond without anger or a demeaning spirit. Practice ways to invite an ongoing discussion and friendship, if possible, in spite of the fact that you disagree. Learn what Scripture says and doesn't say.  Because we love someone doesn't mean we must agree with them. Jesus loved a lot of people like that so we can too.

Missing The Special Moments? Don't!

This past weekend we attended some outstanding fireworks in a wonderful little town near our home in Princeton, IL. The atmosphere was festive, the people were all having a great time, the fried foods were in abundance and the anticipation for several hours prior was electric.

Near us were numerous children running, playing and just having fun. However, one mother nearby was locked into her cell phone for nearly three hours. Her two daughters were being little girls and having a great time but mom never noticed and only engaged with them when they apparently bothered her.

At one point "Elmo" showed up eager to have pictures taken with him and to cause the little ones to squeal with delight. In fact, at our friend's urging he came right up to this family and made a point to interact with the little girls who were of course thrilled.

Mom never noticed or took a picture.

How sad.

I wonder how many special, fun, spontaneous moments we parents miss because we're too preoccupied with our own little world - the phone, the tech, the urgent. Yes, we can go to the other extreme and make our kids the center of our universe, hover over their every move and do everything for them that they desire.

But we all must be careful to not miss those unplanned, carefree moments like the fireworks when there was no agenda, record to be broken or performance to be evaluated. This mom had an opportunity to make a memory, one that those girls will remember, one that the mother could have embraced and engaged. 

But apparently her wall or the news was more important.

This summer, especially when our kids are around a bit more, take time to enjoy the moments, those special times when your kids are just kids. Those times won't be here forever and someday you will cry that they are gone.

Who's Really Raising Your Kids?

Outside of our second story condo are lots of trees and some birdfeeders. We get all sorts of birds to watch, some colorful, some annoying and all of them quite hungry most of the time. However, recently we've had some cowbirds poke around or at least try to get into  feeders that they really don't even fit in but they work at it anyway.

Interestingly my wife recently discovered something unusual about how cowbirds care for their young.  They typically deposit their eggs in the nests of other birds and leave them there for these rogue parents to take care of. How sad. A momma is going to have these cute little babies but in essence doesn't really care that much if she is involved with them.

Now I'm sure no human parents would ever think of dropping their kids off at someone else's house to raise (though we had moments) but I wonder if some parents are more like cowbirds than they want to admit.

For example, do we let the church do most of the spiritual training of our children?  We expect the church to teach them Bible stories, life concepts and what it means to truly follow Jesus. We expect the church or other Christian organization to provide all their special faith-building activities, missions trips and social gatherings.  And so we drop them off in the nests of other leaders and hope for the best.

But Deuteronomy 6 reminds us that this training is to come from the everyday lives and actions of us, the real parents. Don't give it all  away to someone else.

Or, do we let other adults really do most of the parenting, disciplining and rule - setting?  Sure we have our guidelines but we don't push them too hard. We want our kids to like us, think we're just as cool as them and are the parents that all the kids think are the best!  So we look the other way, let things slide and then wonder why our kids don't really listen to us anymore.

Or if we're a single parent we may believe that we're just warring against the different standards of our ex so why try?  God still asks us to be the parent, train up our children well and teach them that life isn't all about them.

Third, do we let culture ultimately parent our kids. We allow TV, movies, and other social mores determine their morality. We rarely talk with them about what it means to be pure, holy and godly even when others around them are not. We also may find ourselves letting most of our own rules and habits slide explaining that it's really no big deal.

But it is a big deal. Kids do absorb what they hear and are taught everyday.  We as parents can and must be the central purveyor of truth and righteous living in our homes. There will always be an onslaught of ideas that our kids will face but we can help them learn to still stand for the truth, especially after they leave our homes.

So don't put your kids in some other nest or nests to raise.  God gave us this wonderful opportunity to shape the hearts and minds of our kids for good and to help them be all God made them to be.  And frankly, no other bird, no matter the species, can do that better than us!

Messed Up Kids? It May Be Your Fault!

All of us have dreams of being great parents, even the best parents ever, don't we?  We do our best, read books, attend a seminar if needed and watch others hoping to get a few tips that will help. And often we succeed and do pretty well. Other times we just pray that we can keep our kids out of therapy someday.

And while sometimes our kids mess up and make their own bad choices there are some ways that our kids' actions are probably the result of our poor parenting or modeling or perhaps just looking the other way.  Let me suggest a few examples.

Too involved in their technology. They watch too many video games, overuse their phone, sit in front of the television for hours and the like. In many cases we've given them all that and bought into their cries that everyone else has one of those or whatever. But the wise parent instead puts limits and boundaries on those things and requires that kids go outside, play with others or get involved in other healthy activities. And not every child needs their own smart phone or TV in their room.

Focused on themselves not others. We can subtly give our kids the impression that our home and lives in general centers around them.  Wrong. Early on they need to learn that yes they are loved and valued but that everyone in the home matters. How do you send a different message perhaps?  Fixing food all the time just for them, letting them constantly interrupt, allowing them to change their plans (and yours) all the time last minute. You can no doubt think of others. Take inventory.

Can't talk with adults. We let them go to another room as soon as adults enter our home or location. We don't teach them to speak politely, respectfully and intellectually because we always assume that they have no place in the conversation.

Don't make spiritual things important. The question is, how important is God and serving Christ to us?  Chances are they are modeling our behaviors and attitudes.

Get the idea?  It's important to understand that parenting does make a difference. And if we do it well the pressures from other parts of the culture will make a much smaller impact than we ever thought.

What Gets You Results As A Parent?

I'll bet you've had a scenario something like this one. Little Ryan needs to go to bed but he's playing with his favorite game. So you respond, "Ryan, it's time for you to finish your game, pick up your toys and head for bed." Ryan replies of course, "OK, mom, just a minute. I have to finish this last level."

So you give him some grace for a few minutes and then try again. "Ryan, it's time for bed. I'll be in there in a minute and when I come you need to have things picked up."  "OK, mom."

You know where I'm going with this, right?  You and Ryan go back and forth several more times until finally you (or your spouse if you're married) explodes, "Ryan, pick up your toys right now and get your butt into your bedroom!!"  Ryan finally knows that you're serious and heads for his room, the toys still on the floor. He's perhaps crying or at best now scared and the rest of your time is tense and difficult.

Sadly, what got Ryan to finally move was not a willingness to obey or a predetermined, healthy pattern of responding. No, he finally did what he was told because you got angry enough. And who taught him that this was how it works. You did. I've done it too. We've sent the message loud and clear that our kids do not have to really obey us until we reach a certain boiling point.

And as a result we suffer and so do they.

The good news is that there is a better way. We must make our actions not our anger the trigger for them to act. For example, if Ryan doesn't respond the way we want him to at an appropriate and reasonable time, then we must act in a way that convinces him we are serious. This doesn't require being mean or hitting him. But it does mean that we must help move him to action.

Some options . . . "Ryan, do you want to walk into your bedroom or should one of us carry you?" might be a next question. It could mean picking up the game right then and seeing that he puts it away after he takes it out of your hand. It could involve some other options like, "Ryan, you can either go right now to your room and get changed or tomorrow night you will go to bed thirty minutes earlier."

There are lots of ways to do this and they will differ depending upon the child's age, size and personality. The key is that you do something that requires he act and not stall.  With younger children it's wise to give them a pre-obedience phase where perhaps you set the timer on your phone or microwave to ring letting him know that there is a deadline but he has some acceptable time before he must respond.  Make sure that  your expectations, whatever they are, are also age-appropriate.

With teens, you will want to use the options idea more than most because you obviously can't pick them up. Nonetheless, the same principles are true.

The key is letting our actions do the talking not our anger. You will get far better results, harm your kids less and sleep better later that night!

THE Number One Tip For Parents!

I've been a parent for nearly thirty-five years and have counseled hundreds, if not thousands, of parents over the years. I've also read books, attended seminars and listened to people who have far more expertise than me. My wife and I have done quite a few things right and certainly made our share of mistakes.

But I know this: there is one rule for parents that supercedes them all. If you aren't all in on this one any other methodology is doomed to numerous points of failure. You want to know what it is, right?

Here you go: MOM AND DAD MUST BE ON THE SAME PAGE!  Yes, you may have different personalities, tones of voice and personal styles but the principle is still true. You as a couple must BOTH hold to the values, parameters and practices set up in the home or your discipline is doomed. (And I'll give the single parent version of this in a minute, so read on.)

Nothing confuses a child and leads to their trying to ultimately play one parent against another more than one parents standards being different than the other. Kids subtly learn to go back and forth to find who's offering the best deal. Or they figure out that one parent is softer than the other so they always check with them last!  In addition the parent who is trying to hold to the predetermined rules feels disrespected and undermined when the other caves in.

Kids need to learn early on that mom and dad basically say the same thing when it comes to discipline.  Of course, sometimes you are apart. What do you do?  Try this.  When a child comes to you with a request that you know needs to be confirmed or run by your spouse who is not right there you say: You know, if you need an answer now, the answer is no.  If you can wait for twenty minutes (or whatever time you need), the answer is maybe.

This gives you time to check in with your spouse and agree upon the next step. Your kids will learn that this is how things are done. If you're both there but caught on the spot needing to make a quick decision, take a time out. Tell the kids dad and mom need to talk first and then you'll decide.  The operative phrase there is:  We'll decide. 

And no giving free passes or reduced expectations without conferring with your spouse. Trust me.  While you still will have your battles, they will be less dramatic and challenging when your kids know the two of you will agree.

And if you're a single parent?  Then your version of this principle is simple too: be consistent. You have to be on the same page with yourself. You can't hold one standard one day and then totally change it the next. Of course there can be an exception or grace now and then but consistency must be the norm.

If you've not been doing any of this, start now. It may take a little doing but the benefits will be well worth taking on the challenge.

 

The Myth of Having the Smartest Kids

Have you heard that the Baby Einstein products really don't help kids much? Yep, recent research shows that much of what they claim to do really doesn't happen and in fact can even hinder intellectual growth.

And to think that we might not have the advantages we thought we would have over other parents and their children?

Well, relax. It's probably not that big of a deal. Yes, we should do what we can to help our kids have a healthy learning environment, learn under qualified and able teachers and develop study skills that will assist them in getting the most out of their education

But perhaps this recent research is a good reminder that much of a child's learning comes from more foundational experiences than Baby Einstein, Sesame Street and preschool gymnastics. Let me suggest a few.

First of all read to and with your children. Healthy minds are still stirred and developed through creative imagination, regular practice and caring relationships. Too many parents these days have given over the pleasure and specialness of having time with their children exploring the world through books, pictures and stories.

Second, give them opportunities to play. Play is another arena where children have opportunities to creatively stretch their minds, think logically and solve problems. Just watching a video or TV program that does all that for them defeats the purpose and often steals learning from them.

Third, expose them often to the outdoors. Go hiking, exploring and even exercising outside where they can see the beauty of what God has made and the wonders of creation.  Take vacations where you stop and soak in an incredible mountain view, golden forest or powerful waterfall.

Teaching a child is a glorious experience, one that we dare not only relegate to games, videos and dolls. In fact, it's possible that we may be wasting our money in the stores and would do better to spend it doing more things together. Maybe Baby Einstein isn't so smart after all.

Best Parenting Ideas With Young Children - part 2

Here are a few more parenting suggestions that just might work or at least make your parenting a little more effective during those early years.

Often kids don't want to go to bed.  OK, they never do. But the last thing a parent should allow is kids to determine their own bedtimes or to feel like every night they can "negotiate" a better deal. On the other hand young childen have reasonable, normal reactions and even fears that the wise parent needs to keep in mind.

So one thing to try is letting your child listen quietly to some appropriate music after you've put them into bed.  You can determine the ground rules. Some kids will enjoy reading while others just like the sound of the music to help soothe them.  The point is that the CD becomes the guide for their behavior not you.  They can read or "stay awake" (while still in bed) until the music finishes but then they are to go to sleep.  We found that our kids usually went to sleep before the album finished but even if they don't you now have a stopping point when they know they must settle down.

This idea also gives them more time to meet the requirement of going to bed rather than just facing an abrupt stop when the lights go off and then must immediately sleep.  Of course before too long (perhaps years though) they figure out going to sleep is a good thing!

A second idea relates to TRAVEL.  I know that these days parents have more options in the car for DVD's and other technical advances that can help but as I've suggested in other writings, it's not wise to let kids have too much technology when they just tune you and others out for the entire trip.  Try a few old standard options that keep the family engaged together at least part of the time.

The alphabet game.  You see who can find the next letter of the alphabet on billboards, signs, etc.  The more advanced version requires a word to actually start with that letter except for X.  Or the License Plate Game.  Make a copy of the states that you keep with you or give everyone one if they can all read.  It's usually best to just keep this a family game, however, and see how many states you can find by the end of the trip.  We found that our kids kept looking even in parking lots, strip malls and anywhere else they could think of.

You can go online for lots of other simple, inexpensive ideas, too.  The key is be prepared!

Finally, let kids help with the chores.  Yes, there are many times when doing it ourselves is faster and necessary.  But with a little planning our younger children can learn how to assist, the importance of working together and how to do everyday things around the house.  And this can start as soon as they learn to walk as long as we keep it simple.

As kids get older, chore responsibilities can be tied to allowance, privileges and other disciplines as needed.  And if you have a problem with WHO has to do what on a given day, try this time-tested idea.  Use odd and even days, if you have just two kids.  If you have three or more, try certain days of the week with other days being "free."  Again the calendar becomes the bad guy instead of you.

And let me say it one more time.  Whatever you do - BE CONSISTENT or none of these ideas will work for long.  Happy parenting.  Ideas for older kids next time.