Teaching Your Kids Life's Not A Free Ride

My daughter Amy was talking to one of our three-year-old grandsons about doing some easy jobs for his age to earn part of the money he needed to get a bike he liked. However he responded, "But I'm not a grown up. I'm just a kid. How about you earn it and I just ride it?"

Sounds like a lot of older kids these days. "Mom and dad, you pay for it and I'll just enjoy it."  That's said or at least expected about many things kids have these days from cell phones to video games to clothes and much more. Now of course, we parents are to provide for our children and we can't expect them to earn or even save huge amounts of money for everyday expenses.

But we're missing golden opportunities to teach our children about the value of both hard work and saving up for something if we don't give them a chance to actually try those things. Is it any wonder that so many adults, young and old, are burdened with huge amounts of debt? Many, at least, were never taught that things in life don't just show up and that we're not simply entitled to things because someone else, including the government, will pay for it.

I heard of some parents once who took a week's paycheck and got it in one dollar bills.  They placed it in piles on the kitchen table dividing it up into the parts it would take for that week's expenses or budget. Their kids got an eyeful when they realized that there wasn't this huge pile of money that could just be spent on them!

It's that kind of illustration and giving our kids a chance to earn some of their own way that teach them vital lessons about life and money in general.

And if they don't have any actual financial earning power outside the home, let them earn something within the home like our daughter is doing. Of course, you have to be reasonable. You can't expect a three-year-old to be washing the car. We limited our three-year-olds to just doing all the laundry. OK, I'm kidding, but there are things they can do. Keep a chart so they can see how they're doing.  The chart may have to be different depending upon their age so that they can really tell if they're making progress.

Sometimes you can go halfway with them as they get older. "I'll pay the second half of that game once you earn enough for the first half."  That can be great motivation if the goal is realistic. If they get an allowance teach them to save a portion, give a portion to God and to put aside another part for something special.  If they're old enough it becomes a very practical lesson about fractions, too.

So, if you haven't started your kids on learning what it's like to be in the workplace this week would be a good time to begin. Remember, your kids are going to be the parents someday in a home. It would be nice if we helped them out with the finances now.

Parenting "Adult" Children

It was the best and worst of times. No, not when the kids were babies but when they became old enough to start acting like adults. All their lives we try to help them mature into independent, healthy beings capable of living on their own but when the time comes it's pretty scary.

Our kids don't just arrive at adulthood either nor do all kids get there at the same time in life. Some are still not very adult at twenty while others seem like they could handle life by themselves at sixteen. Yes, every teenager and young adult will need to be considered individually for graduation into the next phase of life.

However, there are a few basic principles that seem to apply uniquely to our kids during this challenging time along with a couple ideas worth keeping in your parenting notebook. Principle one: gradually give your kids more and more opportunities to experiment with adulthood. As I alluded to a moment ago, becoming an adult is a process not an event. It starts with their first few steps of trying out independence. It may begin with adding a new freedom to stay out a little later or to go somewhere different with a friend. (For what it's worth, we let our kids totally pick their own times for coming in and going to bed their senior year. Up to that time we gave them more and more freedom.)

Their training can advance a notch when they learn to drive and begin to take the responsibility to look out for the safety of others. Some parents, however, are unwilling to give in to those experiments and as a result their kids don't get much chance to experience adult behaviors and responding.

This is where different parents with unique children will all likely use varying options and ages in which to implement this process but the results can be similar.

Principle two: Being an adult means accepting responsibility for your choices so we as parents must be willing to parent accordingly. Many young people merely want the privileges of adulthood without the consequences and challenges. But we must show them that's not how life works. For example, if we suggest to our young person that they must now pay for the gas they use in the car (assuming they work), then we must not jump in and just buy them more gas when they've chosen to use their money for something else. That's what adults have to do.

Or, for an older adult child, if we require them to pay "rent," whatever the amount, then we must give them a rent due date and expect them to pay on time. There can be a grace period just like an apartment might offer, but we should also consider adding a penalty similar to what they'll face in the real world.

Principle three: We will need to treat TRUE adults differently than maturing ones. That means that a child who is eighteen or older will have different rules than a younger one. Students home from college, for example, should be allowed to set their own rules about when to be in, what they do with their time and the like. However, they can still be respectful to the fact that they are living in someone else's home. If they want to have dinner with you they need to let you know when they'll be there and when they won't. You're teaching them courtesy in the process.

If you're paying for their tuition, you then have a right to expect them to do well in school or quit paying for it.

The fun part about adult children is that your relationship with them can change for the better. Instead of being a parent as much (though we'll always be and should be parents in some way) you'll connect on more of an adult level, more like friends who are also family.

It's a great time of life. Just don't forget to prepare them for it.