It's All Tainted: Why We'll Never Be Perfect

The other day someone asked me as their pastor and counselor how they would know if they were going to do something for all the right reasons. I think she was shocked by my response when I said, "Well, I have bad news for you. You will never do anything in this life for all the right reasons. Neither will I. We're all tainted."

Now the rest of our discussion did include the fact that we can work on our motives and need God to help us keep the right perspective.

But I think most of us forget that even though we may be Christ followers and forgiven in God's eyes, we will always be human and our selfishness will always still creep in. It doesn't matter how long we've been a Christian or our chronological age. We won't ever have perfect motives, thoughts or attitudes.

We thankfully can get better.  We certainly don't need to stay the way we are. That's why we need the fellowship of other believers, the truth of the Scriptures and some spiritual discipline in our life. But we must always be aware that we can slip up, even in a big way.

And when we accept that truth we'll actually be better off.  Why?

First, we will pretend less because we no longer live according to an impossible goal that someday we will have things all together. Instead we can be honest about our failings and ask others to keep us accountable.

Second, we will live in less guilt because we know we can't be perfect now. We can strive for it but we'll never get there until Heaven.  And that's OK.

Third, we should be more on the alert knowing that we're always vulnerable and could really do the worst of things given the right circumstances.  Yes, Christ does make us new, but those changes take time and we must grow in our faith. There is always a chance we will slip up again.

So, if you've been subtly trying for some sort of perfect life, welcome to the real world. And remember you're among friends.

Don't Add to The Bumper Bowling Generation

For years bowling alleys have utilized a system to help youngsters still have fun when they try to bowl. They put these foam cushions or bumpers in each gutter so no matter where the child rolls the ball it will at least go down the alley and hit a few pins and not end up in the channel.

And for those purposes it was and is a great idea. Most of those kids would never hit any pins the whole time if it weren't for the bumpers.

Unfortunately, our society seems to want kids to live all of life that way, with bumpers everywhere so they always succeed, never really lose and avoid most of life's disappointments. All the kids get trophies, ribbons and "good job" comments no matter how they perform.  In many ways we've almost removed disappointment, hard work and healthy competition from everyday life for kids, something that simply isn't true in the real world.

So should we go to the other extreme and just make every activity, sport and class tough, raw and ultimately may the best kid win?  Probably not. But there is a place for balance and letting our children experience life more the way it truly is and will be when they are older.

The benefits are important.  For example, kids need to learn to lose. They will not always be first, number one or get a trophy. Sometimes you give your best and someone else is better. That's OK and normal is the lesson we can teach here. We can show them how to lose graciously and as a good sport in the process. But what's the value in going over and shaking hands or telling the other team they did great when nobody won and it's pretty easy to do and say?

Second, losing can help increase their motivation to do better. Who wants to try harder when the result next week will be the same?  "I will get a prize whether I work hard or not. Everyone will think I'm wonderful even if I don't care and don't try."  And so they look for another "bumper" from mom and dad or the coaches to just make them feel good again for trying.

Third, facing hardships grows our inner strength.  In the Bible, God rarely took people around problems.  Instead he made them, including Jesus, go through them,. God knows that we learn to trust Him more not our abilities when we struggle, face problems and have to overcome obstacles.  Let's face it many of us face more struggle than victories in life anyway.  Now's the time to prepare them to still have joy and peace in the middle of our challenges.

So yes, we need to encourage our children and not make expectations so high they become exasperated as the Bible points out. But we also need to let them fail, make a mistake and not be the winner every time. And if we do, they will "win" in the biggest challenge of all, being the person of character and integrity God wanted them to be all along.

Teaching Your Kids Life's Not A Free Ride

My daughter Amy was talking to one of our three-year-old grandsons about doing some easy jobs for his age to earn part of the money he needed to get a bike he liked. However he responded, "But I'm not a grown up. I'm just a kid. How about you earn it and I just ride it?"

Sounds like a lot of older kids these days. "Mom and dad, you pay for it and I'll just enjoy it."  That's said or at least expected about many things kids have these days from cell phones to video games to clothes and much more. Now of course, we parents are to provide for our children and we can't expect them to earn or even save huge amounts of money for everyday expenses.

But we're missing golden opportunities to teach our children about the value of both hard work and saving up for something if we don't give them a chance to actually try those things. Is it any wonder that so many adults, young and old, are burdened with huge amounts of debt? Many, at least, were never taught that things in life don't just show up and that we're not simply entitled to things because someone else, including the government, will pay for it.

I heard of some parents once who took a week's paycheck and got it in one dollar bills.  They placed it in piles on the kitchen table dividing it up into the parts it would take for that week's expenses or budget. Their kids got an eyeful when they realized that there wasn't this huge pile of money that could just be spent on them!

It's that kind of illustration and giving our kids a chance to earn some of their own way that teach them vital lessons about life and money in general.

And if they don't have any actual financial earning power outside the home, let them earn something within the home like our daughter is doing. Of course, you have to be reasonable. You can't expect a three-year-old to be washing the car. We limited our three-year-olds to just doing all the laundry. OK, I'm kidding, but there are things they can do. Keep a chart so they can see how they're doing.  The chart may have to be different depending upon their age so that they can really tell if they're making progress.

Sometimes you can go halfway with them as they get older. "I'll pay the second half of that game once you earn enough for the first half."  That can be great motivation if the goal is realistic. If they get an allowance teach them to save a portion, give a portion to God and to put aside another part for something special.  If they're old enough it becomes a very practical lesson about fractions, too.

So, if you haven't started your kids on learning what it's like to be in the workplace this week would be a good time to begin. Remember, your kids are going to be the parents someday in a home. It would be nice if we helped them out with the finances now.

Watching Out For the Slippery Slope At Home

Jackie and I watched a little toddler almost die yesterday. We were at an overlook at Pedernales State Park in central Texas looking at the water rushing over two small falls that are famous in this part of the state. After heavy rains there was a significant amount of water flowing that makes that lookout particularly attractive.

A woman was in one of the reachable dry spots with her two young children where visitors often sit to get a better view. They were all seated on a blanket appearing to just be enjoying the beautiful day.  However, within seconds the toddler got up and started to try to walk down an incline next to the deep water. Normally she would have been ok but wandered too close to the part that had gotten wet and slid down into the pool. The mother thankfully responded right away and slid down in her blue jeans to where the little girl was and was able to pull her out.

Had the mom been seconds or even a minute later the little girl might have drowned.

We can also walk too near some slippery slopes in our homes if we're not careful.  There's the slippery slope of putting spiritual things aside. We skip church more and more, we get too tired to have family times, we skip our personal times with God.  Pretty soon we don't even notice that we've lost our spiritual strength, that God is just sort of an extra in our day.

Or there's the slippery slope of personal morality. We start having more lunches with opposite sex people who aren't our spouse, we watch a little more of things that we know are a weakness for our temptations or we let our bad habits gradually get more out of control.

Or there's the slippery slope of emotional distancing.  We don't share much of significance with our spouse, we rarely have time to talk with our kids about their lives and feelings, and we're not really close to anyone.  Or our anger keeps ratcheting up a notch or two to where others don't want to be around us much.

Chances are good that we probably know the slope we're on but we don't really believe danger is that close.  If that's you remember the mom at the waterfall. One moment everything was fine, the next her daughter was in grave danger.

Ask God to show you the dangerous spots in your world. What slopes are you on today?  And when you see them admit you're too close to the edge and find someone to help you stay in healthy territory.