Teach Your Family To Pray

I have a close family member dying of cancer. He’s way too young. Thousands have prayed for him but he likely won’t live more than a few days from this writing. Friends have prayed for years for more rain in Texas. Christians from all over the city of Austin prayed together last May for rain and only recently has there been precipitation of any substance.

Of course I believe prayer works . . . sometimes.  By “works” I mean that we get our desired outcome.  Our family has seen bunches of miraculous acts of God over the years where He did more than we could ask or think.  I am confident that as Scripture suggests our prayers both individually and corporately matter.  I hope my friends in Austin get rain, that others I know with illnesses are healed and that friends I pray will change from their destructive ways will get turned around We should never quit praying just because we don’t always get the answers we want.

However, we must also do the appropriate teaching about prayer that will help us understand what I call the parameters of prayer. We must seek from God as well the best reasons we can find that will at least help explain why God doesn't respond as we desire at least some of the time. Why do we pray for rain along with thousands of others and God not give it to us?

Why even ask God for some things if He's going to seemingly ignore us or wait for years to respond.

Why would a cherished love one lose his life while another get to keep hers even when their diagnoses were pretty much the same?  The just have faith proponents often forget to talk about the other times when God doesn’t seem to come through.  And when we’re parents it’s even more important to admit, wonder and then at least try to understand a God who is not merely a cosmic vending machine or happy-go-lucky grandfather who just gives us everything we want when we want it.

Of course, one blog post isn’t going to be able to cover a topic so vast nor will we ever be able to figure out the whys of God. But I do know that the Gospel of John, for example, suggests pretty clearly that we can ask for whatever we will and one or all of three things must happen.  Our prayers must give God glory, bring us joy and bear the most fruit. Check it out in chapters fourteen through sixteen. Seems to me that would be worth some family study along with some pastoral explanations from time to time.

I also know that the Scriptures over and over suggest that prayer is actually a conversation with God not merely our time to make requests of Him. Prayer often opens the door for us to get in line with what God knows best. Wouldn't it be helpful to talk about that?

Maybe some teaching in our homes and churches is in order as we seek out God’s plan and will for our homes, churches, cities and country. It won’t require a degree in theology to do so. But perhaps we can encourage our teachers and pastors to work together with us to wrestle with more of the hard questions and do less promising that God will always listen to us if we just say it enough or get enough people to agree with us.

As parents lets take the lead instructing, modeling and yes even wondering what God is up to as we pray together. Somehow I have a feeling that will draw us together in ways we didn’t know were possible.

The Role Of Prayer in A Troubled Marriage

Ryan and Diana are ready to call it quits on their marriage. Married only eight years with 2 young children, they don't see any way to save the union that they promised less than a decade ago to protect and cherish until death parted them.

Now the only thing they want is something else and relief. The arguments, loneliness and lack of closeness are now a dark cloud that neither of them wants to stand under any longer.

They've talked with a lawyer and are already acting as though the relationship is finished.  They just live in the same house.

And there are thousands of couples just like them. They sense there is no hope so they've given up. And while if you asked them if they ever prayed about their problems they would probably say "every day," it's possible that they've still missed out on an opportunity in prayer that could save their marriage.

And if Ryan and Diane, who are not real, could be your marriage then I want to ask you to consider one more thing before you call it quits. Would you and your spouse be willing to call a truce for thirty days so that you can very intentionally and purposefully pray for your marriage?

By truce I mean that you lay aside any talk of divorce. You also quit talking down to or about each other. You live in your home as civilly as possible and begin to treat each other with respect, at least for the time being.

And then you commit every day to pray passionately and specifically for yourself and your spouse.  What do you pray for?  Here are some possibilities:

Pray for truth in each other. Jesus said that the truth will set you free.  So pray that God will reveal in each of you things that you individually or together need to change or deal with.

Second, pray for a softening of each other's hearts. There is probably lots of anger, resentment and bitterness but God is a big God.  Give Him a chance to touch you both. Pray for yourself as well as your spouse.

Third, pray for hope. Pray that each of you can get beyond the past and commit to doing the hard things it will take to change the future. Remember God is a God of second chances and each of you deserve that.

Finally, pray for the right people to come around you and help you move forward.  Pray for 30 days with the last few days including some prayer together. I realize there are no guarantees that you will both still decide to move forward. But if you've never really asked God for help and to give you the strength for a miracle, you'll never know if one could have happened.

Who Are We REALLY Worshipping?

There's a lot of internet traffic out there right now about a well-known pastor and outstanding communicator named Rob Bell. Apparently he has a book coming out that says that a loving God would never send people to Hell and as a result Love Wins, the title of his book I believe. Hell is essentially empty.

And while it's tempting to jump into that discussion I'd rather talk about why I think the discussion is going on in the first place.  And I think the reasons do give us something as spouses and parents to consider in our homes and families.

Let me start with a question.  If Rob Bell were not famous, the writer of many books, the principal teacher of numerous videos and a regular conference speaker around the country and world, would we care much about his views on Heaven and Hell?  I doubt it unless we were attending his church or part of his family.

A lot of people care about Bell, however, because he is well known, people look to him for insight and seek out his superb teaching.  And sadly many seem to have also elevated his words, perspectives and even final thoughts on all matters theological equal to those of the Spirit.  And I'm pretty sure that was never Rob's desire nor is it really his fault.

I run into all the time people who also seem close to deifying their favorite speaker, author or teacher: Rick Warren, John Ortberg, John Piper, Mark Driscoll, Joel Osteen, John MacArthur, Joyce Meyer . . . the list goes on and on. In their minds what that leader says about anything goes . . . it is THE truth, THE perspective and THE only way to look at the Bible or its implications. The first thing out of many well-meaning Christian's mouths is . . . "Well so and so says . . . " before "This is what the Bible says."

And when that happens we are on shaky ground. Yes, God has given any of us who speak or teach the privilege of teaching the Bible as accurately, clearly and compellingly as possible but none of us has the final word on anything that is not clear and obvious in Scripture. Maybe we've forgotten that.

I wonder if we've not begun to worship more the messenger than the Messiah, the pastor than the Priest, the author than the Ancient of Days.  Do we want to hear the words of the Rob Bell's more than the Word of Life, Jesus Himself?

So that when a Rob Bell stirs the pot about Hell (and he may be totally wrong for all I know), we fear that so many may become confused or led astray because of the thousands of  people who follow and perhaps worship him.  Maybe if we adored our teachers less and our Savior more we wouldn't get so upset when our spiritual heroes aren't quite as perfect as we think.

How about as leaders in our homes we commit right now to keeping our eyes first and foremost on Jesus?  He's the only Savior, the only one who died for the world and the ultimate author of truth.  Teach that, model it and speak about it in your home.  Perhaps we need to do a better job of balancing our own personal study and worship with that of listening to our favorites and expecting them to feed us.

Second, how about we pray more for our leaders, pastors, teachers and preachers that they remain humble, authentic and students of the Word?  Let's let even famous people be human.  Yes, we can challenge and disagree where necessary but we can still respect them as fellow believers and Christ followers.

And finally, let's be loving, no matter what.  We must speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15), we must model love, we must show others who are watching that love still guides us.  Because as some pastor once said, "Love wins."

The Power of A Family That Prays

Jackie and I recently attended a regional prayer conference. It was an excellent gathering time overall with excellent speakers and lots of resources to help individuals and churches make prayer more meaningful and impacting.

However, I noticed something pretty quickly. We were some of the youngest people there and we're not exactly spring chickens anymore, though we'd like to think we are. We're grandparents so you get my point.

I had to wonder why more young adults were not attracted to activities and resources that would help them grow their prayer life. Now let me first say that I know there are many young people who value prayer. One conference's attendance isn't exactly a scientific study. However, I think it's fair to say that prayer in general is sometimes lost in those whose lives are filled with so much more to do and experience.

And I do wonder if our marriages and families aren't hurt in a way because prayer isn't more prominent in our homes. So rather than beat us up or make us feel more guilty, I simply want to offer up some practical reasons for praying more in your home and suggest a few ideas that can help you continue or get started.

First of all, prayer helps keep us focused on what's most important. When we pray for our spouse or children, we're thinking about the things that really matter and God will help keep our minds aimed at what those close to us really need.

Second, prayer will help our family stay strong even in the hard times. Prayer is no magic wand that automatically shields us or our loved ones from harm, illness or even tragedy. But when we pray, we're talking to our Heavenly Father and the Bible does say that prayer makes a difference. Prayer is like adding more fuel to the lives of each person we pray for so that when they need extra endurance, strength or guidance it's there for them to pull from.

Third, prayer helps bring us together. When your spouse knows that you pray over him or her or are praying for them during the day, they feel an extra spirit and soul bond with you. You're touching them in the deep recesses of who they are. In the same way when our kids know that mom and/or dad are praying for them, they feel more loved and important. Why would we not pray if prayer can make us closer?

So, how do we get better at this personal, important and powerful praying for our family? Let me suggest a couple of ideas. One, keep a prayer list that includes what day or days of the week you will pray for your spouse or kids. Lists help us remember. Two, as often as possible pray over or with your spouse or kids before they leave in the morning or when they go to bed at night.

Three, pray for them during the day as you think of them or when there is a particularly big request or need they have at a certain time of the day. Four, make praying about tough issues or situations the norm in your home. Sometimes, stop right in the middle of your discussion and ask God for wisdom.

Finally, use some resources. Stormie (yes that's the name she goes by) O'Martian has written a series of books anchored by one called The Power of A Praying Wife. There's also a similar book about husbands.

My boss, Will Davis, Jr., has written a Pray Big series that includes books on praying for your wife and childen as well. There are lots of other good helps out there. Find them and apply them in your home.

In fact, prayer for our family members is both fun and inspiring. It will humble you and it can change your home. How about starting now if you haven't before? And if you are praying, keep on!

The Lost Art of Praying for Our Family

Last year Jackie and I attended a regional prayer conference. It was our first time attending this particular event and we looked forward to it with anticipation. And in many ways it was thought-provoking, inspiring and challenging.

However, we were only there a short time when we realized something . . . we were two of the youngest people there! Sure there were a few more youthful than us, but not a lot. I found myself wondering, "Why does prayer seem to be more for the elderly than others? Where are the young adults who still believe that prayer makes a difference?"

A pastor acquaintance once said, "If you schedule a prayer meeting, don't expect a crowd!" My experience has been that he's right much of the time. Now granted, there are lots of people from many different age groups who still believe prayer is important and who practice meaningful prayer on a regular basis. But I wonder how many of us, caught in the rat race of life, have put prayer within and for our homes on the back burner for a time?

And yet, the Bible reminds us often of the power of prayer. While we can't understand all the nuances, theology and implications of prayer, we do know that it makes a difference. And if prayer matters, then wouldn't we be wise to pray for our spouse and children on a regular basis? I think so.

So let me offer a few simple challenges. And if some of these would be fairly new or a major stretch in your life, start small. Don't set yourself up to fail by making your goals too lofty.

First, if you're married, get in the habit of praying for or with your spouse. You could start by just committing one minute (yes, one minute) to praying for each other sometime during the day. Add more time as you are able, but you can accomplish a lot in 60 seconds. Consider first thing in the morning, on your way out the door or at night before you go to sleep.

Second, keep a record or journal of your prayers and requests. It's pretty revealing and encouraging after a couple of months of praying to see how God answered. You'll likely be astounded. No, He doesn't necessarily give us everything we want (like any wise parent) but you will see His hand more directly on your life as you look back through your journal pages.

Third, if you're a parent, pray specifically for your children. Of course, it's important to pray with them on a regular basis but also ask them about things that you'll pray for them at other times. Pray for their character, safety and their living out their purposes. Pray for their friends and that they will model Christ-like behavior to others at school. In fact, try praying particular scriptures for them that you read in your own readings that day.

Finally, pray together at least some of the time beyond mealtimes. Little by little make prayer the norm when you're seeking wisdom, going through a struggle or just living everyday life. I remember when our son Tim was little we would pray with him about renting out our house for the summer while I went to seminary.
I'm pretty sure he didn't even understand all the ramifications of that but we invited him to pray with us about our needs anyway. I'm confident that experience made a long-term impression on him and helped him understand the importance of praying about everything just as Philippians 4 says.

In fact, our senior pastor and my good friend Will Davis, Jr. has written a couple of good books that could help you - Pray Big For Your Marriage and Pray Big For Your Children. Check them out!
Start or continue today to make prayer a normal, natural thing in your home. "The effective prayer of the righteous can accomplish much!"