Lessons in Love From a McDonald's Manager

Recently I visited a Michigan Mc Donald's to pick up some food to take out. And I was not there long to see that most of the help, even those behind the counter, were people with special needs. I found myself wondering how that might work especially with customers on a tight schedule who were likely in a hurry.

Would these people working take longer? Would anyone care? What if they made a mistake or couldn't figure out what to do next?

I soon found out. The sweet woman waiting on me was very pleasant but it took her longer to find things on the cash register. Several times she needed help. I wasn't in a hurry and would like to think I would not have cared about her slowness even if I was.

What impressed me next and most however was her manager. She was amazing. She was holding down the busy drive-thru lane but graciously moved away from her work theree and helped the woman in my line or anyone else.

She always treated her team with respect and spoke kindly. She never openly showed frustration or exasperation. She was a saint.

I think we can all learn from her no matter who we are dealing with and especially in our own homes.

We can first speak graciously and kindly.  We all have weaknesses, faults and make mistakes. We need to still treat each other with respect, honor and forgiveness. Jesus said to love others the way we love ourselves.

My wife and I just faced one of the worst weekends of our life with an extended family member and realized how cruel people can be with their words especially. The damage can be destructive.

But we can all also look for the best in people. That McDonald's manager did just that and she is making a difference in lives. Even with our spouses or children we can always want more rather than be thankful for and bless the good in them. Does that mean we overlook the negatives? Of course not.

This woman leader corrected her help every time but encouraged them as she did it. We must do the same. All salt and no sugar eventually leads to sour.

Who in your world needs to be treated with more love, dignity and grace?  Start today honoring, encouraging and blessing them with your words and actions even when you have to say hard things. Remember God does the same with us every day.

Avoid the Immaculate Deception This Christmas

Before Thanksgiving Alice was already planning for Christmas. Yes, she put her usual passion into the food planning, preparation and family inviting for turkey day but she also made time to start her Christmas checklist and knock a few of those tasks off as well.

And now that the first round of food and football are over she is going full steam ahead to make Christmas as wonderful as it always is. There are gifts to buy of course, but the house decorating has always been an obsession with her so the attic and garage have been cleared of their Christmas decorations and she is on her way to turning her house into a fantasy land.

Granted her oldest will be home soon from college and her parents are getting up in years. She hopes to spend some quality time with all of them and even invite a few close friends over but all that will need to wait until she has things just right.

Alice is encouraged, however, because she did get up early on Black Friday and buy some of the gifts she knows her family will treasure and she saved some money this year in the process. And she knows that with a few late nights (OK, maybe a lot of them) she will also get her Christmas cards signed and sent out. This year's cards, more like booklets, are the best and most creative ever with lots of pictures and updates on the kids successes and family milestones.

Is Alice a version of  you at holiday time? She certainly represents a lot of people who are caught in what I call the Immaculate Deception. It's the false belief that certain expectations must be met every year at the holidays. And as a result many individuals and families miss out on the most important opportunities of a time like Christmas.

Some common misguided demands?  That everything be perfect. The house, the cards, the meals, the outfits, the church service, the time spent with family - they must all be refined to a standard that in reality can never be reached. As a result family members (often mom) never sit down, can't relax and miss out on the many spontaneous and casual conversations, interactions and special moments that they will never quite have again.

Second, that everyone be happy. Yes, holidays are a time when we should be happy and joyful but there is no way to please everyone . . . and yet we often try. We have to get Uncle Ralph the perfect gift and send Grandma Mary a card on time. Our kids need to get every gift they asked for and be allowed and even transported to attend every gathering required of them. Even Jesus didn't go to everything or give everyone what they wanted so why should we?

Third, we do more than in the past. If last year's Christmas card was really creative, then this year's must be more so. If we bought such and such last year for a present we should do better this year. We at least think that everything we've done before should be equaled if not improved. Says who?

The sad part about buying into the deceptions that often surround our holidays is that we miss out on what really matters. Let me suggest a few things:

Jesus. Yes, Jesus as the saying goes IS the reason for the season. I get it when non-Christ-followers don't focus on Jesus much but I don't get it when Christians pretty much avoid Him other than going to a Christmas Eve service. Try making Jesus the focus of your holiday and see what changes. Re-teach the real story of Christmas and tell about some of the things you are most thankful for from God.

Close family time. Notice the word close. Sure families are generally together during at least some of the Christmas vacation but are they close?  Do they really talk? Do they slow down and just enjoy each other, perhaps even get to know each other better?  When we're running, running, running there will be little time for each other.

Spontaneous get togethers with friends, neighbors, relatives or associates.  What would our holidays be like if we took time to just grab a friend and go have coffee (egg nog latte)? What if we did something really unique with our family or in the neighborhood, something WAY out of the box that we would never forget instead of the usual? What if we just enjoyed the tree that we put up, played some games, listened to music or watch a favorite Christmas special without having to fit it in between events or responsibilities?

You know there is still time to make this year's Christmas different. But you'll have to make some decisions NOT to do a few things pretty soon. Nevertheless try it. Remember all that other stuff may just be taking you away from the best Christmas ever and from the Jesus who started it all in the first place.

My Most Offensive Blog Ever . . . For Parents

Alright, let's just say it.  I'm going to offend many of you with the premise of this blog. Some of you might even quit reading my stuff. A few will wonder how I can be so misguided but I'll take my chances.

Because here's my observation. And like Simon Cowell on American Idol or Howard Stern on America's Got Talent, I know I'm right.

The universe does not revolve around your children! Nor my children nor anyone else's kids. Our children are not the most important people in the world, our church, school or neighborhood. They do not deserve more than others and are not entitled to the first, best, optimum, finest anything. The world has not been looking for or waiting for your child or my child to arrive on the scene any more than anyone else's son or daughter.

Now let me be clear. I'm a parent and now a grandparent too. I love my kids and their kids. I want the best for them and tried along with my wife to give them as many favorable and positive experiences and training opportunities as possible. There is nothing wrong with desiring the best for our kids. But too many parents demand it and shove their way to the head of every line so to speak to get it.

I recently heard of a mom who was attending a Christian women's activity and who demanded that her preschooler be in the same childcare room with his friend, a friend who was not even the same age. Parents in a host of situations demand the best teacher, trainer, room, nursery worker, class, summer activity or coach and if they don't get it for little Connor or Clarissa they vent their anger, pull strings until they get it, make life hell for the leadership or find another program.

Comedian Bryan Regan talks about the people on airplanes who take ten minutes trying to get their large case crammed into the overhead compartment while oblivious to the people waiting to get to their seats. His description is hilarious though these rude travelers are not. You do wonder sometimes if this person in row 20A really thinks they are the only one on the airplane.

Pushy, demanding parents aren't funny either nor are we if we live our lives forcing our kids to the front of every social line. Sometimes in life we just don't get what we want. We need to get over ourselves.

Why might parents like us overreach, overreact and over- respond when it comes to our kids?

Perhaps we didn't get the perks and opportunities we would have liked when we were growing up. And yes, that is disappointing but we're not helping our kids by letting them think that they need every advantage now or are more important than the others. And we certainly aren't wise to use our children as some sort of payback for the childhood we never had. We're only going to injure our kids or a relationship somewhere.

We're fearful that if our kids miss out on that one teacher, class or experience they will be scarred for life.  Guess what?  They won't. In fact, part of growing, learning and maturing is to face experiences that are extra-challenging, where you don't have all the advantages others have and work through it anyway. Many of the perks we're perhaps panicky about today won't even be remembered by us or our children in five or ten years.

We're just plain selfish. I know none of us like to hear this one but it's worth asking. Have we become a little too entitled, arrogant and self-centered? Is it time for us to care about others more than ourselves? If we are Christ followers are we modeling the kind of spirit and attitude Jesus modeled? He modeled humility and restraint and was always sinless even in His dissent.

Is it time to take a step back, breathe in deeply and remember that life is about far more than being first or getting our own way?  Maybe.

One final caution. What our kids expect in life today is likely what they will expect tomorrow.  If they live an entitled life and watch mom or dad demand more for them at every turn, they will probably expect the same when they are adults. But they will be disappointed and likely hurt big-time when they find out that people and  life in general doesn't cater to them.

So enjoy your kids. Help them succeed, grow and mature. But they aren't the only star in the heavens. Just yours. Appreciate and love them for that.

Is Your Family Led or Driven?

I'll never forget a horseback ride I took once with my roommate in college. We had made our way over to the riding stables behind the school knowing that horses could be ridden for an hour or so. While I hadn't ridden a lot I knew enough to guide a horse, gallop a little and still have a good time. However, I must also admit that the majority of my riding has also been done with horses in a line going down a trail.

Nonetheless, the stables personnel saddled up two horses for us and sent us off into several large fields with access to a nearby road as well. What were they thinking?

We each gave our horse a slight kick and began to move letting the horses more or less saunter while we enjoyed some relaxed time.  Now and then we got them going a little faster but playing it safe knowing that we weren't exactly the Lone Ranger and Tonto.

Near the end of our ride we decided to leisurely come back to the stables using the small road since that seemed like an easier task. However, the horses had a different plan. Once they saw that we were headed back they immediately began to gallop full stride. And there was little we could do to slow them down much less stop them.

Thankfully we made it back unharmed but our hearts were racing when they finally slowed near the entrance.

Unforunately, a lot of families live life this way. Every day is a constant, non-stop gallop. Everyone is running from event to event, practice to practice, obligation to obligation. These homes are not being led or nurtured. They are just hanging on.

Is this your home?  Then let me suggest several things you might consider to slow things down, get life under more control and do more things that really matter.

First, stop some things. Take inventory and ask what you can cut out that is just more of the same, a needless addition or not really that essential.

Second, examine your priorities. Is your schedule being driven by greed, envy or status-seeking?  Are you just trying to have your kids as successful as the neighbors or other family members?  Perhaps they will be more successful at a sport or instrument.  But what is teaching them how to be a great person?

Third, rediscover rest and relaxation. Make time to do some enjoying things as a family, teach the value of sabbath or breaks and find an outlet to serve others.

Homes that are well-led find meaning and purpose in what they do. Homes that are driven?  They just feel like one more horse headed to the barn.

Lunch In a Brown Paper Bag

Recently I heard a young man interviewed who had at one time been homeless. A women and her family, however, took him in, loved on him, provided for him and he has become a successful, caring person in his own right.

However, during the interview he mentioned that at one point his new "mom" asked him if he wanted lunch money for the day. But he responded, "No, what I'd really like is to have my lunch in a brown paper bag."  When the woman asked why he said, "Because if you have your lunch in a paper bag people know there's someone at home who cares about you.

What a powerful picture of the longing we all have for someone to be at home who cares about us!

And often it's those little things that go missing even in apparently successful, together and happy families. We can get so busy that we stop doing things that make our family members feel like we really care. Let me suggest a few brown paper bag things we might ask ourselves if we're doing to make home feel like home:

Tuck your kids in at night. Sure kids get older and the "tuck" begins to look different. But a touch, a word, a quick talk, a hug, a prayer . . . can always be fit in somewhere no matter the age of the child. Don't just let your kids head off to bed without some kind of connection with you.

Have meals around a table. Yes, we're busy and can't always eat together but a home where there is rarely a table time for the family will likely become a struggling family at least relationally. And if the TV's always on during meals turn it off and talk to each other. Find at least a few meal times each week where you sit down and interact.

Attend each other's events some of the time. So often kids begin to think that they are the center of the family universe and rarely see what others in the family do. So when you can have the kids support each other's activities and celebrate the uniqueness of each one. And if mom and dad do something special go see that too.

Make some personal time with each person. And no, sitting in the stands watching their game or practice is not personal time. Go on a date, to a concert, fishing, hiking, something that puts you face to face without interruption. Cell phones should be on vibrate and in a pocket. Enjoy each other - period.

I'm sure you can think of many more ideas that will make those in your family feel like someone at home loves them. Think of some more and then start making those sandwiches.

Help Your Family Discover True Riches

I read recently that Mark Zuckerburg, founder of Facebook, only wears T-shirts and jeans most of the time. And I suppose when you're that successful you can wear whatever you want.  Nonetheless, it's kind of interesting that this billionaire goes around looking like some average college student. You would never know how rich he is by his clothing choices.

But more importantly I wonder if our children, especially here in America, know how rich they really are.  Sure, we may not have millions or billions in our bank accounts or stocks, but we truly are wealthy in so many ways. And it's vital that we remind one another at home of that.

For example, we're rich financially in comparison to the majority of the world. We often spend on one pair of shoes what much of the world earns in a week, month or year. We spend billions in this country on things that many people don't even know exist nor would they think matters like massages, make-up, sports memberships and television.

Secondly, we're rich because of our freedoms. Travel to many other foreign countries and you'll discover how monitored and regulated their worlds are. Many countries allow the police to stop you for no good reason or to keep you from saying anything negative about the government. Some places would never allow a church to be built or even meet.

Third, we're rich because of our opportunities. Yes, we're struggling a bit on the economic front but there are still myriad ways for people to succeed, expand their knowledge and live out a dream here.

Fourth, we're rich because of our faith in God.  Too many people have no purpose, meaning or hope in this life. Remind your kids often that God is a God of hope who placed us on this earth to do something that matters and makes a difference.

So whether you consider yourself wealthy or not, have the house or other possessions you've wanted, you really are rich. So think and live like it - even if you only wear T-shirts.

The Myth of Having the Smartest Kids

Have you heard that the Baby Einstein products really don't help kids much? Yep, recent research shows that much of what they claim to do really doesn't happen and in fact can even hinder intellectual growth.

And to think that we might not have the advantages we thought we would have over other parents and their children?

Well, relax. It's probably not that big of a deal. Yes, we should do what we can to help our kids have a healthy learning environment, learn under qualified and able teachers and develop study skills that will assist them in getting the most out of their education

But perhaps this recent research is a good reminder that much of a child's learning comes from more foundational experiences than Baby Einstein, Sesame Street and preschool gymnastics. Let me suggest a few.

First of all read to and with your children. Healthy minds are still stirred and developed through creative imagination, regular practice and caring relationships. Too many parents these days have given over the pleasure and specialness of having time with their children exploring the world through books, pictures and stories.

Second, give them opportunities to play. Play is another arena where children have opportunities to creatively stretch their minds, think logically and solve problems. Just watching a video or TV program that does all that for them defeats the purpose and often steals learning from them.

Third, expose them often to the outdoors. Go hiking, exploring and even exercising outside where they can see the beauty of what God has made and the wonders of creation.  Take vacations where you stop and soak in an incredible mountain view, golden forest or powerful waterfall.

Teaching a child is a glorious experience, one that we dare not only relegate to games, videos and dolls. In fact, it's possible that we may be wasting our money in the stores and would do better to spend it doing more things together. Maybe Baby Einstein isn't so smart after all.

The Power of A Family That Prays

Jackie and I recently attended a regional prayer conference. It was an excellent gathering time overall with excellent speakers and lots of resources to help individuals and churches make prayer more meaningful and impacting.

However, I noticed something pretty quickly. We were some of the youngest people there and we're not exactly spring chickens anymore, though we'd like to think we are. We're grandparents so you get my point.

I had to wonder why more young adults were not attracted to activities and resources that would help them grow their prayer life. Now let me first say that I know there are many young people who value prayer. One conference's attendance isn't exactly a scientific study. However, I think it's fair to say that prayer in general is sometimes lost in those whose lives are filled with so much more to do and experience.

And I do wonder if our marriages and families aren't hurt in a way because prayer isn't more prominent in our homes. So rather than beat us up or make us feel more guilty, I simply want to offer up some practical reasons for praying more in your home and suggest a few ideas that can help you continue or get started.

First of all, prayer helps keep us focused on what's most important. When we pray for our spouse or children, we're thinking about the things that really matter and God will help keep our minds aimed at what those close to us really need.

Second, prayer will help our family stay strong even in the hard times. Prayer is no magic wand that automatically shields us or our loved ones from harm, illness or even tragedy. But when we pray, we're talking to our Heavenly Father and the Bible does say that prayer makes a difference. Prayer is like adding more fuel to the lives of each person we pray for so that when they need extra endurance, strength or guidance it's there for them to pull from.

Third, prayer helps bring us together. When your spouse knows that you pray over him or her or are praying for them during the day, they feel an extra spirit and soul bond with you. You're touching them in the deep recesses of who they are. In the same way when our kids know that mom and/or dad are praying for them, they feel more loved and important. Why would we not pray if prayer can make us closer?

So, how do we get better at this personal, important and powerful praying for our family? Let me suggest a couple of ideas. One, keep a prayer list that includes what day or days of the week you will pray for your spouse or kids. Lists help us remember. Two, as often as possible pray over or with your spouse or kids before they leave in the morning or when they go to bed at night.

Three, pray for them during the day as you think of them or when there is a particularly big request or need they have at a certain time of the day. Four, make praying about tough issues or situations the norm in your home. Sometimes, stop right in the middle of your discussion and ask God for wisdom.

Finally, use some resources. Stormie (yes that's the name she goes by) O'Martian has written a series of books anchored by one called The Power of A Praying Wife. There's also a similar book about husbands.

My boss, Will Davis, Jr., has written a Pray Big series that includes books on praying for your wife and childen as well. There are lots of other good helps out there. Find them and apply them in your home.

In fact, prayer for our family members is both fun and inspiring. It will humble you and it can change your home. How about starting now if you haven't before? And if you are praying, keep on!

Bring Easter To Your Home

It was Easter weekend. Last year I attended our church's Good Friday service at noon plus another city-wide service in the evening with some twenty-five hundred people in attendance. Both were outstanding. We offered four services Saturday night and Sunday morning and I'm sure they were all inspiring and wonderfully uplifting as other gatherings were all over the world.

Interestingly, Easter each year is one of two services that may be some people's only visit to church this year. We love the opportunity to share with them the amazing story of Christ coming to die and rise again because of God's love for the world. I am confident that hundreds of thousands will experience the reality of Christ in a powerful way this year too.

However, it's not enough to just go somewhere to experience an Easter celebration. The truth of the Easter season is richest and most life-changing when it is brought into our homes. If we're a Christ follower then Easter must literally make a difference in how we live life. It can, you know.

What would that look like? There are hundreds of possibilities but let me suggest a few. Easter helps us to forgive. Because God forgave us through Christ's payment on the cross, we are free to forgive others who have hurt us or let us down. In an everyday sense that means we give our kids and spouses room to make a mistake and not continue to pay for it for weeks, months or years later. When they ask for forgiveness, we gladly say "yes."

And in the bigger picture of life, our forgiveness helps us to let go of past painful experiences that may continue to haunt and control us today. Forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean we reconcile with the other person or accept what they did as suddenly ok. No, forgiveness is as much about us as them. It frees us to determine that their actions will no longer own or paralyze us.

Second, Easter changes our priorities. Because of Easter and a relationship with Christ we don't have to wring this world and our relationships out for more and more. When we don't believe that we have a future beyond this life we tend to demand that this life give us more than it can ever give.

But with God living in us, we are now freed to spend our time loving others, serving people and doing things that really matter. We enjoy the things we have for what they are not for what we think they MUST be. We can slow down and start to spend more time doing things that we'll look back and see a valuable, long-lasting legacy from, not just an accumulation of stuff.

Third, Easter makes us want to love. Easter was all about God's love for us therefore we are compelled to love others. And this kind of love is not some mushy, sentimental, everything's nice kind of love. No it's a love that is radical, that even says and does the hard things to help another person and isn't focused on ourselves. The world is longing for that kind of love and we have the opportunity to exhibit it to others all around us every day.

Are the people closest to you seeing God's incredible love IN you?

Bring Easter into your home this year. Forgive, re-do your priorities and radically love each other. Tell your kids the Easter story and then talk about what that could imply in your home. Watch The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe and talk about the similarities of Aslan to Christ. Remind them of what Jesus did for them and they'll have a model from which to live the rest of their lives as well. Happy Easter.

The Lost Art of Praying for Our Family

Last year Jackie and I attended a regional prayer conference. It was our first time attending this particular event and we looked forward to it with anticipation. And in many ways it was thought-provoking, inspiring and challenging.

However, we were only there a short time when we realized something . . . we were two of the youngest people there! Sure there were a few more youthful than us, but not a lot. I found myself wondering, "Why does prayer seem to be more for the elderly than others? Where are the young adults who still believe that prayer makes a difference?"

A pastor acquaintance once said, "If you schedule a prayer meeting, don't expect a crowd!" My experience has been that he's right much of the time. Now granted, there are lots of people from many different age groups who still believe prayer is important and who practice meaningful prayer on a regular basis. But I wonder how many of us, caught in the rat race of life, have put prayer within and for our homes on the back burner for a time?

And yet, the Bible reminds us often of the power of prayer. While we can't understand all the nuances, theology and implications of prayer, we do know that it makes a difference. And if prayer matters, then wouldn't we be wise to pray for our spouse and children on a regular basis? I think so.

So let me offer a few simple challenges. And if some of these would be fairly new or a major stretch in your life, start small. Don't set yourself up to fail by making your goals too lofty.

First, if you're married, get in the habit of praying for or with your spouse. You could start by just committing one minute (yes, one minute) to praying for each other sometime during the day. Add more time as you are able, but you can accomplish a lot in 60 seconds. Consider first thing in the morning, on your way out the door or at night before you go to sleep.

Second, keep a record or journal of your prayers and requests. It's pretty revealing and encouraging after a couple of months of praying to see how God answered. You'll likely be astounded. No, He doesn't necessarily give us everything we want (like any wise parent) but you will see His hand more directly on your life as you look back through your journal pages.

Third, if you're a parent, pray specifically for your children. Of course, it's important to pray with them on a regular basis but also ask them about things that you'll pray for them at other times. Pray for their character, safety and their living out their purposes. Pray for their friends and that they will model Christ-like behavior to others at school. In fact, try praying particular scriptures for them that you read in your own readings that day.

Finally, pray together at least some of the time beyond mealtimes. Little by little make prayer the norm when you're seeking wisdom, going through a struggle or just living everyday life. I remember when our son Tim was little we would pray with him about renting out our house for the summer while I went to seminary.
I'm pretty sure he didn't even understand all the ramifications of that but we invited him to pray with us about our needs anyway. I'm confident that experience made a long-term impression on him and helped him understand the importance of praying about everything just as Philippians 4 says.

In fact, our senior pastor and my good friend Will Davis, Jr. has written a couple of good books that could help you - Pray Big For Your Marriage and Pray Big For Your Children. Check them out!
Start or continue today to make prayer a normal, natural thing in your home. "The effective prayer of the righteous can accomplish much!"