At Your Home Do You Enjoy or Protect?

I've only seen a partial episode of the reality show Hoarders but that was probably enough for a while. Each week the program focuses on a person or family who literally hoards everything from old boxes to tools to clothes to you name it. In most cases their homes are a mess and every room is piled with stuff. I can't imagine living that way for even a day.

However, there seems to be a common reason behind most of the hoarding, one that is closer to where many of us live than we care to admit. They can't imagine losing it for fear that they might need it someday.

They can have a hundred empty shirt boxes but won't throw any away because they might need one and one is never enough. That pile of magazines probably has an article, ad or coupon that could come in handy. That shed full of tools, broken and worn, might meet a need for them or a neighbor.


And while saving things, making do with what we have and not being wasteful have their merits, hoarding like this is really just selfishness and many of us are at least tainted by it. In fact there are probably some deep-seated insecurities and self image issues that have never been resolved in hoarders and us.

Nonetheless, in most cases we too have WAY more than what we need and we can become protectors and hoarders in our own right. We spend thousands of dollars on what we deem necessities that people in most of the world would call luxuries and in some cases would like to have just one.

So we live a lot of our lives trying to protect our stash rather than wisely using just enough.  We accumulate and accumulate just a little bit more.  And we model the same for our children who pass along similar habits to their kids. People alive who lived through the depression still think this way but that mentality has made it to today as well in some forms.

In fact today there are two extremes:  use things up and then buy a new one or never throw anything away and try to get more. Both are misguided.  I'll talk about the consumer mentality in another post.

For now let's talk about how can we live a life of contentment with what we have versus being those in the protective camp who fear losing anything.

1.  Regularly take inventory and throw away (or give away) things you aren't using or don't need.   I have a lot of books that I've had to buy or read for my counseling and pastoral ministry over the years.  However, whenever I get a new book now I throw or give one away.  I'm just not going to add to my collection anymore.  We need to do something similar in our homes.

Some say if it's been there a year or more and you haven't use it get rid of it. You decide.

2.  Get rid of some of your storage by downsizing or selling some places you have that just pile up more stuff.  Some people have sheds, multiple homes or other places where they are keeping things that they just don't use. But they are paying to store it or asking someone else to manage it. Say goodbye and pass it on to someone else who could benefit or just throw it out.

3.  Enjoy what you have, don't hide it away somewhere.  Sure, we should take care of and maintain those things we've been blessed with. We should help things last as long as possible. But also take time to enjoy special items - pictures, collections, hobby items, special souvenirs, etc. They were made to be used.

4. Get involved in the lives of people needier than you.  They will remind you of how much you have that you don't really need. The more we spend time here or in other countries with people who have so little we'll realize how little we could live on.  And the less we have the less we have to take care of.  Aren't there better things we could do with our resources?

You bet!

Having KIds Who Still Love The Little Things

The other night my wife Jackie and I attended a AAA baseball game here in Austin. If you're not that familiar with the structure of baseball, AAA is the level just below the major leagues, in our case the Texas Rangers. Nonetheless, it's a fun night at a very nice ballpark but you won't see many current stars at a game like this unless they are trying to come back from an injury.

Anyhow, we were sitting down the third base line in the 4th row and there was a young boy, maybe 10 or 11, there with his grandpa. He had his baseball glove with him and like most young boys hoped he would catch a foul ball. However, in these games the players coming off the field will often throw the ball they caught and ended the inning with to one of the kids in the stands.

Every inning this young man called out to the players hoping a ball would come his way. But every inning he was disappointed . . . until the 8th inning when one of the players saw him and threw his ball right into the kid's glove. You should have seen his face. You would have thought this was the best day of his life. And maybe it was. It doesn't matter.

What struck me was how special that ball was to him. It was no big deal, really. These weren't major league players, at least not yet, and of course the ball wasn't signed. It probably only cost a few dollars to the team. But it was gold to that young man.

And I found myself thinking how few kids, at least in our middle to upper class neighborhoods have learned the joy of getting something as simple as a baseball. When so many young people get hundreds of dollars spent on them every Christmas, birthday and new school year, and they have entitled access to the best of computers, iPads and video games, why would something so insignificant as a ball matter?

So how do we teach our kids to appreciate the little things and to be thankful for what they have?  First, don't give them so much. That sounds pretty easy and it is, but our kids need to live in a world of enough not more if they are going to learn the value of things. Cut back on how much they have, let them work a little more for at least part of some of the bigger purchases and help them practice living with only two or three of something instead of ten.

Second, expose them to other cultures and settings where people don't have much at all. Those places may be across town or the ocean but we will open the eyes of our kids to situations they didn't know existed where people live every day wishing for one new piece of clothing or just enough to eat.

Third, give them opportunities to serve others. Start early modeling that real life is found more in giving and serving than getting and taking. Help them find ways to give some of their stuff away and experience the joy of watching someone else smile like I saw that young man smile at the game.

Is it any wonder that we live in a country where entitlements are such a big deal?  Maybe we can help our kids to learn in the next decade or two that true life is found more in what we give than what we have.

Serving Together Can Help Keep You Together

I'm writing sitting in bed in a hotel room in Moscow, Russia. We're just finishing twelve days here having helped organize and lead a worship and pastors' conference here.

One of the best parts for me this year is that my wife Jackie was able to join me in Russia for the third of my fourteen trips here. She worked tirelessly with our hospitality team as they took care of both our staff and those who attended the conference.

And while there were times when we didn't see each other too much (my job involved teaching, training, etc.) we have memories and shared experiences that we will enjoy talking about for a long time.

You don't need to go to the other side of the world to have this experience. But you usually do need to plan to serve others or it probably won't happen.  We're just too busy.

And the benefits?  There are many but here are a few. First, you get to see God work in some ways beyond the usual. Most serving opportunities simply won't work well without God's hand in them to guide, direct and even surprise.  God has a special knack for bringing just the right people together, too.

Second, you let God build a similar vision and passion in you. Jackie and I will both return home with many of the same names, observations and cultural experiences that will keep us having long discussions for many months. And God does something for your spiritual connection as a couple when you take a leap of faith into something new.

Third, we learn to trust God more together. It took a considerable sacrifice for her to go - time, money and the taxing of the body.  But because we've seen God's provision before and during the trip, we trust Him even more with our lives. Add that to the many daily "God - moments" we had and you have a built in spiritual growth plan

So, look for an opportunity to serve somewhere.  Start now. Begin planning.  That's half the fun. But whatever you do don't let other things crowd out your service for Him. You will never be the same.

Legacy: A Model To Follow At Home

My mom's neighbor died recently. His name was Ernie. I didn't know him well although I'd met him a few times while visiting my former home. But I'd heard about him many times, usually through my mom, about how much he was known for helping others.

He'd watch over her house while she was gone, see that the yard got watered or whatever else was needed. I've also heard similar stories or comments from other neighbors like, "There's nothing Ernie wouldn't do to help you."

At the funeral home I met his three daughters and I could tell that they were proud of their dad and had seen evidence of his caring, giving heart. I'm pretty sure they will continue to be impacted by the gentle, servant spirit of their dad and how he cared for others. One of the daughters called him her "hero" at his funeral.

The "Ernie's" of the world are helpful reminders for us all to regularly consider what we're going to leave as a legacy for our family members. Will they remember us in the same way as people who gave more than they took? Will they speak our name and naturally say, "Yes, he (she) cared about people and was willing to help them any way they could?"

You can't orchestrate an authentic legacy but you can live in such a way that you leave a lasting, eternal one.  A couple of principles seem to be important at least from my perspective.

First, as the popular Tim McGraw song says, live like you're dying. I don't think we need to be morbid but if we thought of any given day as one of the last weeks, months or even moments we had left we'd likely change a few things. We'd certainly spend less time on the mundane and more on the vital.  You can figure out what that would be for you.

Second, serve other people even if you're facing your own struggles. When we take at least some of the focus off the mountain we're climbing and walk with someone on theirs or simply share what we have with them our perspective changes. And in the process we leave something special in this world that will impact others.

Third, fight against consumerism.  It's so easy to think that life is about getting more.  But being and feeling really alive is about giving more. Consuming by itself isn't wrong or unhealthy. But worshipping what we consume is and will steal from any meaningful legacy not add to it.

Finally, do the above with the people you love - your spouse, kids, friends. Teach and help them to live the same way and to leave their own legacy that others will certainly praise at their funerals and hopefully long before.

Teach the Importance of ONE

Last weekend I had the chance to spend a couple of days with two of my three grandsons and their mommy and daddy. Jeremiah, the three-year-old, and I would spend a good bit of time "working" outside - shoveling dirt, raking leaves and watering the flowers.

And being November there were a lot of leaves on the ground - thousands? tens of thousands?  hundreds of thousands?  Who knows? But that didn't phase Jeremiah. He would take a few leaves in his little pail and walk them over to the burn pile. Sometimes he only had one leaf.  But he moved the leaves anyway.  He didn't care that in the big picture of things he wasn't making much of a dent in the leaf problem.

But as I watched him at work I realized that what he was doing did make a difference.  It wasn't much compared to what an adult with a rake or leaf blower could do. But it was something.

In the same way, we all need to be reminded that doing something for one or two at a time can make a difference, too.  Adopting one child, helping one homeless person, listening to one friend, giving to one child or family overseas all counts. Who knows what could happen in a community, city or state if thousands were willing to just do one of something?

We might be able to literally wipe out the orphan problem in a city if many of the Christian families were to pitch in and adopt one child.  We might end poverty or provide tutors for every child who needed one if we all just did our part.

What would that look like in your home?  What need could you and your spouse or children solve that others could also join you in accomplishing?  Could you develop something that would be a grass roots solution to some major problem or issue?  I think it's possible if we'll all just start with ONE.  And whether our efforts become a movement or not, there will be one person who's been touched in some special way and we'll know that we've made a difference.

Holiday seasons are a great time to try something but don't limit yourself to just one event or season. Start something that you'll want to keep doing.  I guarantee you if you get your kids involved they'll want to go back again. And you'll be teaching them some life lessons that will hopefully set the stage for their own caring about the ONE someday when they're older.

Remember the starfish story. A young boy was walking along the beach and threw a starfish back into the water. A man walking by said to him,  "Son, your throwing one little starfish back isn't going to matter much when there are so many."  To which the boy said, "It mattered to that one."  Somehow I think Jesus thought the same way.

Moving from ME to OTHERS in your home

Do you know what everyone born in the 70's, 80's, 90's and through today has in common?  They're technically called the ME Generation. Somewhere in time our society began to subtly become more and more focused on MY needs, MY possessions, MY success and MY pleasures.  It's kind of sad, in one sense, that someone had to actually name it.

However, if we're honest the ME in us didn't begin in the 70's. Since the creation of mankind, we all have had a major tendency within us to think about ourselves first and others second. While we don't say this in public, we might as well:  OK, enough of me talking about me.  Why don't YOU talk about me?  In fact, a recent country western song by Toby Keith was entitled exactly that . . . I Wanna Talk About Me!

And unfortunately the focus on me rather than others can seep into the fabric of our homes. We can schedule all our time around our desires, we let our kids be involved in every extra opportunity and we even troll the church scene to make sure our kids hear the best youth speaker in one church, get the best Bible study at another and enjoy the ultimate worship at another.

Let's be careful that we're not sending the message that life really is all about us. Do we want our kids to only be consumers and not investors in the lives of other people?  Of course wanting to provide excellent educational and personal growth experiences for our kids and family as a whole are fine. But do we balance all that with focusing on others?

Here are a few ideas. How about next Christmas taking most of the money you would have spent on gifts for each other and giving it away to another family, service organization or special project?  Why not substitute an extra gymnastics or music class some semester with going and serving at a church ministry or community shelter?

Could you go as a family or couple on a missions trip using money you would have just kept for yourselves?  You can seen that the ideas to teach about caring for others and not ourselves are many.  Think of ones that would work for your family.

In fact, be careful that even your words of praise at home might send an it's-all-about-me message.  If we never tell our kids, for example, when they make a mistake or could do something better, but always encourage them anyway, we're setting them up for false confidence and arrogance. They can begin to believe that they deserve to be complimented, affirmed and applauded no matter what. They'll expect the same in school, in work and in life . . . and be disappointed.

So yes, build each other up but do it appropriately, honestly and with balance. Show them how to be more like Jesus who was always looking out for someone else.  Don't let ME become the dominant goal at your house. Make more of life about others.  That's when you really feel alive.

Bring the World To Your Home . . . and Vice Versa

I'm going to Russia again next week. It will be my fifteenth trip. This time I get to travel with many very talented musicians, artists, technical people and some who just want to help out. We'll be helping lead our third worship conference for pastors, worship leaders and others who want to learn about helping others praise God and teach truth in meaningful, compelling and inspiring ways.

But obviously my involvement in Russia started awhile back. . . . close to twenty years ago now.  I won't take time to give you all the details other than to say I'm so thankful for God's allowing me to learn to love a people and a country that I would never have dreamed of visiting once much less a dozen times and counting.

Yes I've learned some Russian, met wonderful people, seen many of the famous sights of both the Moscow region and Siberia and been able to teach some people there about spiritual things. However, I'll always highly cherish what my overseas involvement has done for my family. Serving in another country brings that other country into your home - literally at times.

We've had Russian pastors, friends and acquaintances around our table many times. We've collected Russian artifacts, books and souvenirs. We've enjoyed Russian concerts and music. And we've together developed a heart for the Russian soul. That can't help but change one's perspective and it did for us.

Jackie has traveled there with me three times but has also learned to cook borscht, understand a few words and appreciate the kindnesses of dozens of Russian friends. My grown kids have not gone with us but have had the privilege to eat Russian food, hear our stories and interact with incredible people from the other side of the world.

Families . . . don't miss engaging the world in your home.  You don't even have to travel.  But if can go at least once.  If you can't then invite people from other cultures into your house. Make friends.  Serve. Take time to be with people who don't look, think and go through life like you do. Learn some of their language, customs, and faith stories.

Adopt a family, an orphan or even part of a culture. Begin to read about it together and to pray for the individuals, families or people group. Young children will love learning something new and will probably grasp even more than you do at some point.

Our culture is not the center of the universe.  God has made us different for a reason.  Help your family to figure out why!

Developing Hearts for The Hurting In Your Home

As I write today I'm just a few days now from leaving for eight days in Russia. It will be my eleventh trip there. And I know that once again I soon will be hit head on with how blessed we are in America and how God has given me and my family so much. I always come back enriched and with my heart full though when I'm around these sweet people who have learned to live with lots less than me.

I also grieve as do people all over the world the huge losses in Haiti from the recent earthquake there. Thousands have died and those who were already so poor now have even less. And while many are giving time, treasure and talents to help, none of us can ever understand the incredible pain and suffering these people are facing.

You see I'm reminded once again how important it is for us and our families to do our best to not only learn about and understand those less fortunate than we are but to also do what we can to help in very tangible ways.

So how can we do that in our busy, often comfortable, worlds? Do we have to literally go and live in another country or even travel to places of poverty to do so? Not necessarily.

First, start by re-evaluating your own lifestyle. A family at my church recently moved into a smaller home. They could easily afford the larger one but they made a conscious, deliberate decision to downsize and give more away! Wow.

They didn't just talk about re-evaluating - they did it! Can you imagine the long-term impact their decision will have on them and their children's view of things, success, and possessions in general? Think about the lessons they are already learning about having less and giving more away!

Maybe downsizing will be just cutting back on some luxuries, not always having to have the big vacation or skipping the extra lattes for awhile. You'll have to decide that for yourself. However, think about ways to literally change some of your everyday practices so that you can help others more.

Second, become intentional about giving. If you attend church, it's likely that the leaders there have already developed some ready-made connections with organizations where you can give your time, talent or treasure. Give sacrificially to your church so they can help those groups and then give over and above that. Pick a group that you and your family will help on a regular basis and involve your children in the process.

We just started helping a single mom and her kids who live in an RV (yes an RV) here in Austin. Our small group joined forces and we've committed to help her, not just with money, but with time, advice, counsel and direction so that she eventually thrive on her own. We've just started but there's something very special and meaningful about the relationship we've begun with her and her children.

Third, get your hands dirty. Our church provides scores of missions trips and serving opportunities, both locally and abroad, that our people can become a part of each year. Almost every person who goes has two things happen. First of all, they get wrecked in a good way. They see how much they have, they build relationships with real people, and they figure out that they've never felt so alive than they did when they were actually caring for others. They are never the same after that.

In addition, they begin to develop a lifestyle that is more about giving than taking. And their kids start to see the changes and they too get involved. Many of our people who served here locally now serve at least once a month if not more. In many locations we now know the names of the people we serve because we see them all the time.

No person or church can do everything but we can all do something. And if we want to teach our children the importance of giving, loving and serving others then we can start the process now by getting "dirty" together.

Who could you start helping today? A neighbor, a friend, some people in your neighborhood, community or city? What special gifts and resources do you have that might encourage someone else? You may not be able to leave for Russia or Haiti today, but you can start helping close to home. Do it now. Jesus said in Matthew 25:40, "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these of mine, you did for me."



How could we not do something?

Teaching Your Kids Lasting Truths

One of the most difficult (and often scariest) tasks for a parent or parents is to figure out how to teach God's truth to their kids. We usually have good intentions but in reality our time pressures, fear and lack of training usually cause us to leave this task to the experts. As a result we expect the church, the Christian school or other organization/group to do the work for us.

However, there are a few problems with that approach. First of all, God tells us parents that this kind of training is our job. Check out Deuteronomy 6 and Proverbs 22:6 for starters and you'll see what I mean. The church and school can be available to help us but they're not to take our place.

Second, we miss out on the opportunity to spend meaningful time with our kids. When we're teaching them they're also seeing our faith modeled in us. We are also afforded opportunities to talk with them about some of the most important lessons and truths of life. Why should everyone else have that chance instead of us?

So, where do we start if we want to be intimately involved in the spiritual training of our kids? Well, first of all, start early if you can. If your children are young begin now. Start simply, but get going. The more you make training them a natural part of your home's routine the more responsive they will be when they're older.

Second, be creative and age-appropriate. Not all spiritual training has to be done while you're sitting in a table with the Bible open. When our kids were little we used to act out Bible stories rather than just read them. We used to take all their stuffed animals and put them on the couch to teach them about Noah's ark. We'd find a wood plank in the garage and use it as a ramp in which to march the animals into the ark.

Other times we'd act out Daniel and the lion's den. I'd be Daniel and our son Tim loved being the lion. We had great fun while they were learning some of the most important stories in the Bible. As they got older we used other methods such as letting them read the story themselves, finding well-written Bible story books and looking for God in everyday life.

I remember taking a trip with my son and a number of other dads and their kids to Colorado. We learned some phenomenal lessons about God by observing the nature all around us and talking about it in a relaxed, enjoyable setting.

Third, talk with your kids about what they're learning in church, children's ministries or youth group. Find out what they're studying and then make time to talk with them about it. Keep it light and fun, but let them teach you! They'll enjoy that a lot more than being lectured to in some boring after-dinner devotional. In fact, there were times when we had our kids in church with us and Jackie would draw pictures during the sermon to help illustrate what we were learning in simple ways.

Finally, be sure that faith is lived out in your home everyday. When your children see you stop and pray about a challenging situation they're learning to do the same. Bring your kids together with you to pray about their struggle, others or a family decision. You can even use TV and movies to talk about the spiritual lesssons to be learned. You can follow up by looking at or finding scriptures that might illustrate that lesson.

In addition, find ways to serve others in your community or on a missions trip. God's truth suddenly comes alive in ways you won't be able to teach when you're ministering to others who have less than you do.

There are all sorts of ideas and ways to teach God's truth to your kids. But whatever you do don't leave the teaching in the hands of someone else. Becoming involved yourself is really worth it. And you might be surprised how much you learn in the process!